Mountain Douche

The Battle Heats Up!

2011-07-20T07:53:00.001-07:00

In an effort to intimidate me, the Rat Army sent a Squad of two gray rats and one black on a mission in broad daylight Sunday.

I was sitting in front of the house, soaking up a rare sunny break when the Rat Squad showed up.

To my amazement the three rats converged to a single spot in the flower bed in front of the house. There was a skuffle and then they fled. A poor little field mouse lay there twitching during his last moments of life.

The Rat Squad had broken his neck.

Needless to say their tactic worked, I was intimidated for two reasons. First, I had never heard of Rats doing anything like that. I had seen Rat attacks in movies but never in real life. Secondly, it confirms my theory that these Rats are working together and that is why it is so difficult to catch them.

Could they have sacrificed the first Soldier Rat to learn how the trap actually works? That is a frightening concept.

I will not relent, these Rats have to be stopped.

The Battle Continues

2011-07-15T15:59:00.001-07:00

I captured a foot soldier for the Rat Army on Canada Day.

Alas he battled well, but he has gone to meet the big Rat in the sky.

There is an amount of guilt associated with this but I did dispatched him in a quick and humane (or ratmane) manner.

My brother once said to me if you see one mouse, there is a minimum of six. So using this information I reset the trap. This Rat Army is amazing, they have figured out how to take the bate without setting off the trap. This has happened two or three more times.

In a meager attempt to out think the Rat Army I placed a sticky glue trap under the live trap and bated it again.

Foiled Again. I now believe I am battling a Team or Squad from the Rat Army. Last night my friend Lee mentioned that up north when facing a foe as clever as I have the locals will actually place the bate below the trigger. When the Rat approaches the bate his head sets off the trigger.

This will be my next approach.

Battlefield Driveway

2011-06-29T11:32:00.001-07:00

"What are we going to do today Brain?" says Pinky.

Brain replies,
"Same thing we do every night, Try and Take over the World."

It's a damp overcast morning. I have returned from the trenches wounded and disheartened, my battle still rages on. For the past number of weeks I have been doing battle with a Rat. I feel like I'm stuck in a twisted version of The Secret of NIMH or Pinky and The Brain.

During one of our cold snaps earlier this spring, a local wood pile Rat decided that climbing up the right front tire and up under the hood of our Honda Element would keep him warm. In late March, I started to notice a smell in the car. At first it wasn't too bad but as the temperature outside climbed the smell became worse. Initially I could not figure out the cause.

By Mother's Day I had to drive with the windows open and before I could drive anywhere I had to air out the car. On Mother's Day, I talked with my friend Lee about the odour. Lee's son Andrew had a similar problem with his truck, he suggested that my Pollen Filters had gone mouldy. The next morning I pulled out my car manual and located the filters. They were behind the glove box. I hadn't really used the glove box since we put the insurance into it in August.

When I opened the glove box, it was filled with torn tissue paper and Rat Shit. Gross Out! After pulling the filters out I discovered that the Rat had been using them as a toilet. Needless to say I cleaned everything out and bought new filters, figuring that I had solved the problem. No smells.

About a week later, the smell started to come back. The Rat was back. Off to the hardware store for Rat Traps. I got home and painted them black so they would blend in with the shadow under the car. For the first few days I didn't set the tramps, just baited them with peanut butter and waited. The bait was taken each night. I finally set the traps. The Bloody Rat figured out how to steal the bait without setting off the trap. Just to rub it in the Rat would set off one trap and then take the bait from both traps.

I was livid, back to the hardware store. I bought Glue Traps, not the nicest method to catch vermin but effective. I set the glue trap out and waited. In the morning I discovered that HE had dragged the glue trap out of the way and climbed up the tire into the car. I formulated another plan.

I buried the traps into the gravel, set them and covered the snapper parts with top soil. Again the Rat out smarted me.

Howard my neighbour lent me a Live Trap. The bate sits in the middle of the device on a teeter table switch. When the teeter table is touched doors at each end drop and are held in place by bars. The animal can't escape.

I HAVE BEEN OUT SMARTED AGAIN. Is this bloody Rat related to The Brain? He's single handedly Taking Over My World.

More Rat stories to come.

"By Grabthar's Hammer I will be avenged!"

Statistic Nightmares

2011-06-15T10:12:00.001-07:00

It's little wonder Buddy looks sad, we both heard the same statistics.

I was watching CFAX radio this morning when Micheal Campbel did a commentary of a recent study comparing Federal Employment growth/wages to Private Sector growth/wages from 1999 to 2009.

Needless to say I immediately got a migraine. Once it cleared up I went on line to check some facts.

According to CD Howe, from 1999 to 2009 the Federal Civilian Salaries grew at an annual rate of 7%. In cash amounts the wages went up 90% from 12.8 Billion to 24.4 Billion and the economy grew 55% over the same time period. The workforce of Federal employees grew 35% and the Private employees grew 11% over this time as well. The average wage increases Federally for this period grew to 59% compared to Private Sector growth of 30%.

The average Federal Government employee salary reached $94,000 compared to $47,500 for Private Sector workers from 1999 to 2009.

I have to agree with Mr. Campbel, if this is Conservative and Liberal restraint then give the rest of us some. Really this comes down to "Do as I say not as I do."

You have to ask, Where is the explanation?

Just my opinion but really………………….

Hummingbird Nation

2011-06-14T15:31:00.000-07:00

Here's a little video about Hummingbirds set to a piece of music by Jeff Beck.

Wieners, Republicans and Gun Toting Jihadists.

2011-06-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

The night before last I watched a bit of the Rachel Maddow Show. Yes the majority of the show was about Wiener Gate. She was busy comparing Republicans who have lied, done inappropriate things and still manage to keep their jobs and are not forced to resign. Democrats, it seems are given a rougher ride when they exhibit their stupidity.

Not belittle the situation Mr. Wiener find himself because after all he is not the only idiot that Emailed, Facebooked, or Twittered his privates into the internet ether. How stupid are you? Would you leave a pair of shit stained underwear out for the company to see when you invite them over for dinner? No, I think not. Why, because no body wants to see your dirty laundry or find out you like to be spanked with a hot waffle iron. It's just creepy.

I digress, I really wanted to talk about Guns and Republicans. Apparently the Republicans voted down a bill that would require a mandatory background check before the purchase of automatic or semi automatic weapons. These same Republicans helped create the 'No Fly List'.

Here's the thing, it was pointed out that apparently these suspected terrorists can't fly but they could take a car, bus or train to one of the big American Gun Shows and buy an Automatic Weapon without a background check. To prove the point there has been a video posted.

Here's a link. http://www.fixgunchecks.org/detail/alqaeda-video

Ya gotta love America, can it get any weirder?

How to get Lost.

2011-06-07T09:41:00.001-07:00

I enjoy technology, most everyone I know embraces some form of technology. I like flat screen TVs, good stereos, my Nano, Digital Cameras my Blu Ray Player. Lots of stuff, fridges, stoves microwaves even my car.

I have a problem with GPS devices though. Get a map, it's old technology but at least you'll have a sense of where you are going. You can actually Google a location and figure out a course, then use your map. That's what I did last time I was on the mainland and had to go to Coquitlam.

I'm not saying a GPS doesn't have a purpose cause it does. When you have an accident GPS can send your co-ordinates to EMS. The police can track stolen cars, cel phones, and airplanes, all good things that is if it gets the location right.

For years I've heard 'Men don't ask for directions', which is true. Some lazy guy came up with the idea to eliminate the need to ask for directions. Hence the creation of GPS. The only thing that GPS doesn't do is say "Hey Idiot, you're Fucking Lost, you should have asked for direction or brought your map." Then it would be great.

Why am I on about GPS, well here's the thing. Yesterday I spent an hour and a half scrambling through the bush with The Duck and the TCD Hat . The Duck and I had called up the TCD Hat because we needed to know if this sunny knoll we found was in our new park or not.

Now this little adventure would have been fun if I was still 12 or 13 but at 58 scrambling over bush, through wild raspberry cane and dead falls with crotch pieces snags seemed not to fit into the fun category. It soon fell into the WTF zone after the first GPS reading. So much for GPS and the phrase, "We're almost on top of the pin only another 10 metres in this direction."

It was all good for ten minutes and then it wore a little thin. "We're not in park, the park is that way." By the time we found the eastern park boundary we had scrambled through about 3 1/2 acres of dense vegetation only to find (at least in my opinion) we were lost. Now that's when the GPS should have told us, "Hey you idiots you're fucking lost in the woods again."

You know how we got back into the park? We walked west towards the sun, that's how. The GP fucking S didn't tell us to do that. Fifty year old Cub Scout training taught us that. So here's my theory, if you want to get really lost in the woods use your GPS. If you want to go into the woods and find your way out, bring your cel phone, look for landmarks, check the sun and bring plastic ribbons to mark your path. If you keep finding your ribbons, you're walking in circle so make the phone call.

"Hi Honey, I'll be a while, I'm lost in the fucking woods again."

Just so you feel you have learnt something, a TCD Hat is a Tilley/Crocodile Dundee Hat.

Be of Good Cheer

2011-05-03T09:17:00.001-07:00

"Be of good cheer," speaks the moderate voice in my head, "Be of good cheer."

The full fog of conservative ideology has swept across the land and Senor Hardcore has won the majority he greedily desired.

"Be of good cheer," speaks the moderate voice in my head, "There still is a future to be made."

It will be an interesting next four years. Four years for the NDP to establish themselves as a viable opposition and stifle the socialist fear that still lingers from the sixties. The sixties when my generation was at odds with the conservatives and wanted everyone to be equal and stand under the new NDP banner developed by Tommy Douglas and the CCF . The sixties when our conservative parents held John Diefenbaker to sky and called out for God and Queen to, "Bless him for he is our Leader."

Yes the sixties when the Liberals decided that the middle ground had to be somewhere between Right Wing and Left Wing. When P.E.T. rose from the back benches and became Pierre Elliot Trudeau, the new Leader of the Liberal Party and took the country by storm.

What's this I see? Is history or histiore repeating itself? Who is that I see rising from the back benches? Is that?…….. Is that?….. why yes it is. Justin Trudeau is still standing after this massive defeat of the Liberal Party and appears to headed our way. The reins of leadership lay on the ground, will he take them to grip and and bring the Liberal Phoenix to flight?

He has four years to build a party that truly reflects the moderate, social conscience of our nation. A party without the corruption of past politics not run by the boys behind the closed doors.

We can only wait and see. It's only four years,a lot can change in four years.

Promises & Warnings

2011-04-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

I have come to the conclusion that if elected I propose a new law. The new law would make it mandatory for all campaign promises to include a warning or disclaimer statement.

These warnings should be similar to the warnings we get with medication or as seen on TV drug ads.

Here's a sample from my Ramipril medication.

"Do not take while breast feeding or when pregnant. Tell doctor your complete medical history. Drink fluids and avoid getting too hot. May make you dizzy. Use caution while driving. Caution; Be careful not to stand up too quickly. Tell doctor if bothersome cough develops & persists. Tell Dr. of slow pulse. Avoid potassium salt. It is important to check blood pressure regularly."

The warning writers try to cover all the bases for drug manufacturers. If you complain about their product, their response is "Did you read the warning information included in the package? You didn't? Well then it's not our problem, you should read warning labels." Simply put, "Screw you, you weren't paying attention!"

A Conservative political campaign warning should read something like the following.

"Any promise made in this election will be implemented, if we get a majority and in five years after balancing the pending new budget. Implementation will take place when and if the party wins a second majority. Implementation will take place only if and when a second budget containing the promise is passed. Promises either made or implied during the election campaign may be subject to change with or without notice. The party reserves the right to ignore any disappointment created by this promise. If depressed by the lack of implementation of promises, please line up to see your doctor."

A Liberal warning would look something like the following.

"Any promises expressed or implied during this election campaign will be implemented, if we form a majority government and or get approval from the other parties in the house of commons. Each promise will be sent to the new Standing Committee on Current Promises, and be evaluated prior to implementation. Promises made during this election will be implemented only after we have a good look at the previous government's books. Evaluation of these books may cause nausea and belt tightening. Belt tightening may cause dizziness and loss of promises. If this occurs line up to see a doctor at a local clinic"

An NDP campaign promise warning would be similar.

"Any promises expressed or implied during this election will be implemented, if we form a majority government. This may cause general numbness and freezing over in hell. Claiming to be a member of the Conservative Party would be recommended should the USA invade due to the election of a true socialist government."

If we don't read the warnings, the parties can just do the same thing as the drug companies. "Screw you, you weren't paying attention!"

I just realized something, they say that anyway. I just wasted a half an hour and some of your time. I guess I could run for office after all.

To quote the Tim Meadows in the movie Walk Hard; "If erection lasts longer than four hours ……….call more ladies."

Now that's a Warning Label.

Election Trash and Bash

2011-03-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

I got up way too early this morning 5 am. I had the misfortune of watching Mr. Harpy call the election for May 2. You may ask why misfortune? I will try and explain my position, by not just saying I think the whole thing is just stupid, even though it is.

What I saw this morning was a great example of when power and ego circumvents logic. I watched bemused as Mr. Harpy basically pushed the fear based agenda that global governments for years perpetuated to control (us) the unwashed masses.(example: Nazi Germany, Lybia, Iran, Iraq, France, Great Britain, etc. get the point) Maybe Hugo Chavez is almost right, there is no life on Mars not because of capitalism but because fear based politics.

Instead of just translating into English and into French, we should of had someone translating into Plain Speak. I think it would have gone something like this.

Harpy, 'They are bad and we are good. We've been doing a good job and they have ruined it for everyone. If we don't get a majority, Canada will go to hell quickly and fall into confusion. You, will loose everything because the Liberals, NDP and Bloc are all liars. Don't listen to them, they're sneaky and liars. Look at the state of the world, disasters, financial crisis loom over us again and there is trouble in the middle east. If you don't vote for my party, all these things will happen here in Canada.'

Fear based politics.

Wouldn't it have been nice to actually see Mr. Harpy come out and say he was excited to go into another election. Here is an opportunity for him to speak positively about the work they have done and the potential work they will do in the future. But NO, he couldn't do that.

I managed to watch the other party leaders speak to our huddled masses. Mr. Agnat, seemed excited about the challenge his team would face and seemed focussed on trying to make us believe that the Liberals could form the next government. However, he is going to get cranky having to answer the coalition question over and over and over again. Mr. Cumlayton sounded like Barak Obama wrote his speech. Lizzie May appeared to be getting messages from the Green Man while speaking and I almost thought she was being translated because there seemed to be a disconnect between her words and her mouth. Probably just a technical problem, because she wasn't allowed to speak until Mr. Cumlayton had finished and probably got ahead of herself.

Actually the best thing this morning came from Mr. Cumlayton and Ms May. First, Cumlayton said, 'Ottawa is broken and we now have a chance to fix it.' Then Lizzie said, 'It is important for us to vote, don't let the scare tactics keep you home and let's put an end to attack ad politics.'

I might even vote for both of those reasons. The other thing I would like to see is Mr. Harpy red faced. He can blame the other parties as much as he wants for this election but in truth it is his ego and greed for power that has fuelled this situation and nothing else.

Did I mention I think the whole thing is stupid. That's just one man's opinion and it happens to be mine.

The Middle East, Charlie Sheen and Hockey

2011-03-10T11:30:00.000-08:00

There has been a number of stories that have stolen the headlines for the past few weeks. Egypt, Libya, the Middle East in General and good ol' party guy Charlie Sheen. The first few are justified and Charlie is like watching the a train wreck. Now the Newsroom has added the Charra hockey hit.

That was the last straw on my Camel's back.

How many times do we have to see this hit? This reminds me of when the Diver hit the board attempting a back somersault and smashed face and then fell like a rock. It also reminds me of last years Luge accident at the Olympic warm up runs. Gruesome!

One step forward and there would not be an issue to report. One step back and there would be no issue. If you can stomach the video watch closely, this was not a hit from behind, this was not a head shot. Charra checked Pacioretty into the boards like any defenseman would. It was not a crushing bodycheck.

What I can see in the video is Max Pacioretty leaving his feet at the wrong place at the wrong time. The dangerous edge holding up the glass wall was and is an accident waiting to happen. This is a design flaw that has to be corrected in every pro and non pro rink.

If you want to see a deliberate head shot, watch the Todd Bertuzzi sucker punch on Steve Moore. Now that is a legal matter not the Pacioretty's hit.

Let's change gears and talk about the waste of airtime used to cover Charlie Sheen. Obviously, some Newsrooms think this is important stuff. Some think that this more important than the Middle East or at least it appears that way. The thing is that the coverage really isn't that good or coherent.

In one story an American Station interviewed the Porn Star that Charlie locked in a closet in New York or was it the bathroom. I've heard both. For some reason that I can't understand they felt it necessary to insert a shot of the Porn Star having Botox shots in her face. The voice over stated that "She was so upset with Mr. Sheen's actions she had to have Plastic Surgery." I think they had this clip and during editing someone said you better do a voice over here, what can you make up. It made no sense, and did not really have anything to do with the real story but they used it anyway.

What did I learn from this? I can now use this information when the Danish Princess gets upset or when I know get upset. How you may ask?

Danish Princess, "That really makes me upset!"
Response, "How Mad? Mad enough to have Plastic Surgery?"
Danish Princess, "No!"
Response, "Then, you really aren't that upset, then are you?"

Yes it's the simple stupid things in life that makes it worthwhile getting up each day.

The News lately has upset me but not enough to………………….

Dreams Confuse ME

2011-02-12T11:33:00.001-08:00

Dreams confuse me. Lately I've been having very complex dreams. They have multiple characters, elaborate backgrounds and odd themes.

I have given up trying to figure them out. I usually wake up wondering where did that come from but I have realised that it doesn't matter. The one thing I do know for sure is when I don't dream as much, my paintings come easier. I'm looking forward to some dreamless nights because I have two canvasses ready to go and I would rather dump my energy into them than dreams.

This is an example of a one hour dream I had this morning between 8am and 9am. I call it 'The Morning Bedtime Story'.

'The Morning Bedtime Story'

This morning I fell back asleep after the Danish Princess got up. It was around 7:55 when she left the room. Before she left she pulled the drapes closed. This combined with the overcast gray skies allowed me to return to sleep. This is unlike me. I fell into a solid and heavy REM dream state.

In one short hour, I became a Taxidermy Apprentice. Who was the Taxidermy Expert you may ask. Well of course it was Carson Kressley from 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' fame. Who ran this House of Taxiderny? Joan Cusack of course.

Wait it gets weirder. 'The House of Taxidermy' was located in a run down, filthy, dusty, old house filled with live birds of all sorts, dogs and scabby cats. All apparently happy that we didn't specialize in animals. It was a Disney like hovel with creaky uneven floors, every horizontal surface was covered with papers and debris. Quite like my own studio at times but much worse.

The actual work was done in the basement, which of course had an old work bench cluttered with tools. An exposed light bulb hung from the open floor joists swaying slowly back and forth as you moved about the concrete space. Open wooden stairs ran up to a back door landing where the bodies and body parts usually arrived. It's screen door was of course slightly ajar to allow the animals to enter and exit the house.

Most of the time Joan Cusak walked around muttering and waving papers in the air as she dealt with people on the phone. One caller was upset that Cusack hadn't left the house to inquire about their well being after they were stuck in the muddy field next to the Taxidermy House. Cusack's response was quite pointed. "You got your self into that mess, yes I saw you from the kitchen window. Why the fuck would I run to your aid? I'm running a business here, not an idiot retrieval charity!"

At this point, I attended to my apprenticeship. Following Carson's vague instructions I started to remove most of the bones out of the arm of a cadaver. I didn't know what to fill the cavity with. Carson later suggested rocks. I said I thought the arm would look too bumpy. I then suggested spray foam insulation which he thought would be a good idea as long as I didn't over inflate the body. Finding that I had more questions, I searched for a place to put the body. I didn't want to leave it in the middle of the concrete floor, in case someone would trip or step on it while I was gone. I dragged the tarp under the open stairs and went to find my teacher.

Passing through the landing, two scabby cats entered and rubbed against my legs as I passed into the kitchen. At the same time Carson was answering the front door. He model-walked down the hall, one hand on a hip and the other holding an object wrapped in a towel. He announced "We have a head, CATCH, we will have your first real lesson. Come with me to the taxidermy station." Clutching the head I followed him to the basement.

"Lesson one, where will you find the green surgical towels to place under the head before we start the procedure?" I looked around stunned, there were piles of rags everywhere, some folded some just piled in heaps. 'I don't know, there?' I said then pointed to a pile of folded rags to his left.
"NO, you ninny, I didn't spend all that time organizing this place just to get stupid answers from you. Think!"
He was using a Diva voice and waving his left hand, index finger pointing out as if he was painting a picture with it.

The head started to squirm in the towel. I comforted it, 'He's not angry with you, everything will be alright.' Turning to Carson, I said ' You're upsetting the head, please calm down. Will these surgical greens be alright?" There was a heap to his right. "Perfect, end of lesson one!"

That was when the Danish princess enter the bedroom and and said, "I made breakfast are you awake?" Needless to say I rose from my bed quickly and staggered out to the kitchen. I did not want to spend another minute with Carson, Joan and the squirmy upset head.

Sweat Dreams everyone and just say no to drugs, unless of course they are keeping you alive so that you can paint and write blogs.

A Boy in the Balloon Walks into a Bar.

2011-02-03T08:25:00.001-08:00

Look into his eyes..........

I think he is calling Bullshit.

This posting deals with two things, one is
'The Boy in the Balloon News Story' and the second is 'The Sled Dog Culling Story'. These two stories are conjoined in my mind for some reason.

Here's the deal, I have been watching the news patiently regarding the "Culling of the Sled Dogs Story.' I have been watching it and looking for facts. I am not seeing many thus far.

It reminds me of watching Suhana Meharchand on CBC News Network standing in front a monitor looking horrified as a giant silver hot air balloon was blown across southern California supposedly carrying a young boy possibly to his death. This story went on for hours, Suhana imaging the worst and wondering out loud what this young boy was thinking about as the wind blew him across the country.

Here we had a situation where 'supposedly' a boy had climbed into a balloon and then gone adrift. The Local Police, The State Police, The Highway Patrol, Air Traffic Controllers, EMS and Fire Officials were all called out to this supposed emergency. Better safe than sorry I presume. News Rooms from across North America and the World watched, waited in horror for the end of this drama. We all know the ending of this story, there was never any boy in the balloon and now his parents are in jail. Has it been mentioned again or was a lesson learned?

A guy walks into a government office, he looks tired and frazzled. He wants to be compensated for stress related to a job situation(Don't we all?). A job situation that happened almost a full year ago. He pleads his case and goes into horrific detail. The government agents are appalled; THIS IS SHOCKING. Does the man have any proof? Can anyone verify his claims, are there pictures, does he have a witness? The bodies are buried in a mass grave, in the woods, in the mountains. The man is the only one that knows where the bodies are, that's if he remembers clearly after all this stress, caused by this event that happened a year ago.

The government agents give the man some money for the PTSD to ease his pain. The agents call the SPCA, the NEWS and then the Provincial Government. The Province wants an inquiry, the SPCA says it's not their fault, they heard about it after the fact, The News causes a frenzy. There are death threats, there are claims and counter claims all hell has broken loose. The top two stories on all the News Channels are 'Rioting in Egypt' and 'The Sled Dog Culling'.

What's the difference? In the Egypt Story we can see the rioting, we can hear the gunfire. In the Sled Dog Story, a guy walks into a Government Office and claims he had to kill a bunch of healthy sled dogs and provides a bunch of Peckinpah like gruesome details. Where is the evidence?

If this is true, I am appalled. Until the actual facts are in I'm not going to speculate and I am not going to get whipped into a frenzy by a bunch of "He Said, She Said, They Said, We all Said" CRAP.

We don't even know what this guy looks like, everyone knows what his boss looks like, now is that right? The GUY's story seems pretty fluid, this morning the dogs killed were old and sick, at first they were healthy, at first there was a hundred and today it was fifty or sixty.

Let's just slow down a bit and wait for actual details before we go out start giving out death threats. Besides that everytime they show the sled dogs on TV, our dogs go crazy and it's causing me a lot of stress.

Once into the Breach

2011-01-31T10:30:00.001-08:00

Once more into the breach, sober and smoke free for a full ten days.

Ouch..........

Two weeks ago my Darling Danish Princess brought home the flu. She picked up her copy of the NEW FLU from Shoppers Drugmart in Sooke. Apparently they were handing it out for free with every purchase of toilet paper. Fortunate for us that it coincided with the purchase of said toilet paper.

The night it hit the Princess, I had prepared a wonderful meal of prawns, rice and veggies. There was some concern that I had tried to poison her with one faulty prawn. (I would have used at least two if this were true.) Food poisoning or was it the flu? We had to wait and see. Gestation period, 2 to 3 days is what I figured.

I actually found the whole thing quite amusing at first. While she suffered on the couch, I sat in our big window listening to music, smoking cigarettes and having a glass or three of wine. I was pondering nature and my life style. A life style that actually was pretty good in many respects except for the bad habit portion. I don't mean the sitting on my butt looking out the window and listening to music portion. "If only I could get a sign or a gentle nudge in the right direction," I thought, "Changing my bad habits isn't as easy it used to be."

I received my (not so) gentle nudge Friday night, and then it kept up nudging for another 3 days. I am glad to say I managed to loose a few pounds and haven't had a smoke or a drink since then.

I am of two minds on this current adventure into smoke free sobriety.

The angel on my shoulder is telling me I am doing the right thing and this is good for my body. I will have a bright and shiny future filled with hikes, walks, gardening, prolonged life and happiness.

The other half of the equation says, you hate fucking hikes and walks unless you have a destination in mind. You do like gardening when you are not painting but even that can get tedious. Quitting smoking and drinking isn't going to make it any sunnier or brighter. You've done damage to yourself for all these years and this isn't going to fix it. This will probably kill you, your body could go into revolt and devour itself. Are you nuts?

Whose fucking idea was this anyway! Am I being forced by society to clean up my miserable act so I don't offend the norm. If I do this will I be able to criticise everyone's life style? No, I think not, nobody likes criticism anyway that's why 'they' need people like me around! Whose fucking idea was this anyway?

It was mine. Don't any of you out there claim that you convinced me to change my life style. I'll track you down and ...............

Sorry! It was my idea and I just had a moment. Don't know what came over me, OOPS.

Tom & Direction

2011-01-29T08:46:00.000-08:00

Found this little YouTube clip of one of my favourites, Mr. Tom Waits.

He never fails to entertain me, I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

BTTS - Money for Nothing

2011-01-14T08:30:00.000-08:00

Censorship has been around for years. Back To The late fifties and Sixties when I was a kid, Music, TV, Radio and some Books were censored.

Yes kids, here in North America. Try to remember!

Don't you young adults remember when the US Government put warning labels on Rap CD's and all of a sudden all CD's came out with WARNING EXPLICIT LYRICS plastered on the covers.

One of my musical heros, Frank Zappa went to the meetings and fought hard to stop this kind of censorship. Frank really didn't have anything to loose because a lot of what wrote and played never made it to radio and he still sold records and CD's. It's probably not true but I'm sure he was on the NO PLAY LIST somewhere in Washington DC.

Here's the thing, if Rock/Rap/Blues or Pop music wasn't a little edgey or open to interpretation we would all be listening to elevator music. Wouldn't that be fun. This reminds me of George Carlin's Seven Words you can't say routine. It also reminds me of Lenny Bruce, even though I didn't find him that funny but he did push the boundaries of censorship.

Now here we are in week two of 2011, 57 years after I was born and what are they doing? The CBSC is censoring Dire Straits song 'Money for Nothing', a song released 20 Years Ago. Have these morons been busy for the last twenty years? What's wrong with them? Yes the word "Faggot" is not socially acceptable but either is the "C" word and less than 4 days ago I watched the movie Kick Ass where an eleven year old girl says something like, "Okay you 'C's" whose next?" Why is this okay and the lyric is not?

Everynight on TV, we can see and hear most of George Carlin's Seven Words used. In 20 years are 'THEY' going to censor all the reruns? Boy that's going to keep them busy and cost us a bunch of money because in the end we are the ones paying their salaries. Why don't we save the money or use it for something that really matters instead of paying for some "Socially, Politically, Overly Sensitive BullShit!"

Zappa and the other boundary pushes are probably shaking their heads and wondering what's really going on. I want to know if this censorship is going stick.

If they substitute another word, what are we all going think? It's like saying, 'Whatever you do don't think about elephants!'

'They Should Never Forget the Sound'

2011-01-09T11:18:00.000-08:00

Anyone who has followed my blog for some time may have noticed that I like to take shots at the media from time to time. If this is your first visit to my blog, Yes I like to take shots at the media.

Don't get me wrong, quite often I have no complaints about the News gathers of North America. Sometimes though they strike a nerve and I have to say something. You have to ask what are they thinking? If you don't you will fall into the dumb demographic that 'they' are looking for. Tumbling down their dumb rabbit hole will force us to suffer through mediocre dramas, comedies, home reno, gardening, cooking and current affair shows.

One second please,...... I have to get off that soap box and move to my irritant of the day soap box. I would like to say I'll try and keep this brief but that would be just a lie.

As my parents aged they were bombarded by charities, con artists, 'trades' people, and others I would just call crooks. I don't think Mom and Dad were alone in this situation, otherwise The Senior Marketing Industry would not have developed to the size it has.

This morning I saw a new commercial that really set me off. Most commercials have their sound equalized to a maximum so that they sound louder than the regular programming. The volume is not increased, everything is just punched up to make the ads sound brighter and bigger. Not this ad though, it was for a NEW Hearing Aide company. They purposely flattened the sound. The pitch man talked in a well modulated tone that had no emphasis on punctuation or wording. Now this product might be useful for many, (my family members included) but the sales method was deceptive in my opinion. It actually made the viewer think their hearing was in question.

If this commercial hadn't been followed up by the Bose Wave Sound System ad, I may have actually called! Bose Wave Sound System,"I'll never forget the sound", of course you won't you bought the fucking stereo. Ever notice that the Canadian Protection Plan has the same letters as the Government run CPP and the pitch person wears an old style civil servant business suit? The new life insurance plan 'Cover Me for Life' will cover you for life by taking your money until you die. A cost of a Funeral today can be as high as TEN Thousand Dollars, if you don't sign up with a Crematorium Society and only pay about $1,500 for cremation. Yes the Federal Government allows up to a $2,500 death benefit, GOSH that would cover my cremation and my family could save up to $8,500. Save some of that for weddings and grand children or even a trip to a warmer climate where the con men speak Spanish.

Now that I am on the brink of this aging demographic, The Senior Marketing Industry is really pissing me off. There's only one thing to say, "They'll never forget the sound" of us changing channels, hanging up the phone and making a noise about their bullshit marketing ploys.

STOP TRYING TO SELL US CRAP WE DON'T NEED, STOP TRYING TAKE THE MEAGRE INCOME WE HAVE LEFT and above all STOP LYING.

OOPS There Goes Another ONE

2011-01-06T08:36:00.001-08:00

So yesterday I watched the Under 18 Final and then the Canada Russia Game.

During the under 18 game I saw a sixteen year old execute a penalty shot that was amazing. The kid was so calm and professional you had to be amazed. He came in at good speed and then almost in slow motion pulled the goal keeper over to one side of the net and then dragged the puck back to the opposite way and basically shuffled boarded the puck into the net. The goal keeper was left facing the other way. It was Just beautiful.

The Junior Final was unfortunate. Our kids forgot rule #46 of the unwritten laws. Unless your team is leading by 3 goals and there is only 1/2 minute left on the clock you can't count the Russians out. They're going to find a way to beat you. That is why they are one of the great hockey nations in the world. Soon as you forget that and start to believe that you've got the game in the bag You Are Toast.

It was unfortunate and even more unfortunate is the amount of crap these kids are going to have to swallow for the next few days if not weeks. The over analysis of this game and THE LOSS could effect them for the rest of their lives.

In the background I can hear CBC News Network's Suhana Marchand repeating the words "Shocking Loss", "I am reeling". She is just one of many using these kind of words. I haven't heard McRae or Squire join the choir yet but I am sure they will. I think I may just avoid the news for the rest of the day and especially the sports channels. The best thing would be to duck and cover until this all blows over or at least runs out of wind.

To the Canadian Young Men involved in the game last night refer to paragraph two and remember unwritten law #46 and the old expression 'It ain't over til' the FAT Lady sings'. It hurts today, you will get over it and your future is still bright. Just keep playing the game and enjoying the wins and work through the losses, learn from both cases.

The goal tender in the photo is Jimmy TWO DOGS.....!, one of the best goal tenders in the family.

Vampire Lesbians

2010-11-05T07:29:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago I heard about an MSNBC programme host named Rachel Maddow. So I investigated her programme. Not being that interested in American Politics or Politics in general unless they directly affect my life, I generally click through these programmes quickly.

Much to my surprise I stayed and watched Rachel Maddow. She was sarcastic, funny and took shots at both Major American Parties as well as the Tea Party. Her coverage of the midterm election was in my opinion brilliant.

Rachel Maddow is somewhat like Jon Stewart. She demands your attention by delving deeper into stories, asking good well informed questions and provides solid well thought out opinions. I watched with interest as she roasted the Democrats for not taking the midterms seriously and wondered why they appeared not be campaigning. I first saw the racist Tea Party ad from Nevada portraying gangs of Mexicans sneaking over the border attack the White Residents of the State at least a month and a half before Barbara Walters brought it to the View.

Last Night's programme continued a post election wrap up and her take on the Mis-Information campaign that still continues. John Hodgman talked about how this Mis-information is created. Here's an example, Barack Obama is secretly bringing small groups of Muslims into the USA. Some goof wrote this in a blog somewhere and another idiot read it. Then at a televised Republican rally he asked a Senator if it was true. The Senator did a classic political non answer, 'I haven't seen that report but will be looking into it.' Next thing you know he is repeating the same claim. If you preface Mis-information by saying 'I read somewhere' or 'I heard that', somewhere somebody will buy it as fact.

I am attaching a You Tube clip to illustrate another example.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOtR1IyiLjw

This sort information really requires an application of common sense. Just pull your common sense back off the shelf in your closet. Dust it off, and apply it where ever required. If you can't find your common sense, just Google it, I'm sure that someone somewhere is selling it online. If you can buy Canned Unicorn Meat, you should be able to buy some new or used common sense.

This will come in especially handy when you run into any Mexamericanadian Vampire Lesbians trying to tell you about Obama using an old Jimmy Carter sweater as a prayer rug or trying to get you to exchange your old money into the New North American Currency at par.

At least that's what I was thinking about this morning.

2 Million Dollar Dog

2010-10-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

Years ago we had Million Dollar Dog named Tasha. She was a lovely mid sized dog with fur made from polyester. This meant that if it smelled bad, Tasha would eventually smell just as bad. The smell had nothing to with her status as a Million Dollar Dog, it was her leg that made her worth this small fortune.

When she was a puppy, a neighour crushed her right leg. The vet said, "We can pin this leg back into place and it will only cost $300.00." We thought this was pretty amazing considering the leg was being held on by a 1/2 inch strip of skin and fur. We were young and naive, and both had jobs, so we had Tasha fixed up. When the bills had reached the TWO THOUSAND DOLLAR mark, we started to refer to Tasha as the Million Dollar Dog. The Two Thousand Dollar Mark made us feel like a couple of Marks.

Now we come to Molly, the sweetest Rottie Cross you've ever met, with bark that would make Death Think Twice about arriving on our door step. Molly strained her right knee. She was slowly healing up and then for our anniversary present she tore her left knee completely.

Three Hundred Dollars, boy those were the good old days, Molly's starting point will be Two Thousand Dollars. Needless to say we will be returning all our empties.

In the meantime though, I built her some leg braces based on a little web surfing. At least now she has a little support for knees while we figure out when to turn her in the 2 Million Dollar Dog

Education

2010-09-20T16:53:00.001-07:00

Education is an interesting thing. Yesterday I made French Bread for the first time. I found out what I needed to know from a book.

I know some of you know what a book is, it's where you go just before you try and find an answer by using Google.

I was doing some book keeping and my butt became sore from the ratty old chair we have in the computer room. (side note, we keep the ratty old chair because there are more important things to do than stare wide eyed into the gaping internet) We all know who Oprah is and once and a while I need to flush my tear ducts so today I watched for a few minutes until I uttered, "I hate you Oprah, you make care about American Stuff."

Today was Education Day on Oprah, normally I wouldn't watch her show's take on education ........but Bill Gates was on, so I quit my book keeping watched until I had to walk away and utter those words.

So How are we doing compared to our American Friends. After wiping the tears from my eyes, (I am critical but I do have compassion) I did a little Google Search on educational rankings.

Canada isn't doing to badly at all, I am impressed. Especially after my experience with some of the teachers my daughters had to deal with.

http://www.geographic.org/country_ranks/educational_score_performance_country_ranks_2009_oecd.html

Schools are one thing we have to consider, the other is how we deal at home in a helpful and nurturing manner. "I'll help you but I won't do the work, that's up to you."

Frank Zappa said, "If you want to get laid go to college. If you want to learn go to the Library."

Thanks Brie for the quote, my favourite Librarian.

Scapegoats

2010-09-10T10:08:00.001-07:00

This morning while having my second cup of coffee I bounced back and forth from local news and CBC News Network. The thing that always fascinates me is that our national news source loves to run Press Conferences from the US White House. Okay, Okay I know that a lot of what happens in the USA effects our nation and that we are tied to them at the hip economically. I'm not saying that it is a bad thing I find it interesting for a couple of reasons. Number one, Are our own politicians so boring that they don't deserve full coverage of their Press Conferences? (I've watched a few and I may have a real point here.) Number two, Is it due to a lack of real Personality in our Politicians? (The Dynamic Stephen Harper for example.)

We have our issues, just like the Excited States, Forest Fire Season, The Annual Seal Hunt and Dwindling Salmon Stocks, Increasing Salmon Stock, too much Rain, too little Rain and the newest favourite, The Alberta Tar Sands. The Tar Sands and the Seal Hunt are the two big ones that get the World to notice that we are here. I'm not ignoring our countries' commitment to Peace Keeping around the Globe, but I bet most people change the channel when this comes on unless we've lost another soldier. Maybe I'm just getting jaded because of the presentation. I don't like the overly excited American News programmes because they tend to exaggerate the importance of the smallest story.

"This just in, 3 Fire Halls rush to the aide of Mother Cat that has given birth on third floor balcony. Swat teams has cordoned off the area for security. Placement of the Cat on the balcony may be an terrorist plot. Reporter Sky Slag is on the scene with this report."

On the other hand I don't like the Talking Heads, on almost all the Networks because they are just readers and should be paid as readers. I digress and have gone off on my standard rant about media, Sorry Folks. Now for the real subject of this posting.

I admire and respect President Obama. When he was asked this morning about growing animosity towards Islam in the USA, I found his answer very interesting. What he said without actually saying it was that when the general attitude of the nation is negative, the country is still involved in wars brought on by business interests and the banks and financial institutions have finally been exposed for the greedy MF's they are there is only one thing to do. Find a Scapegoat. Sound familiar, think back to the 1930's in Germany for example. Mr. Obama of course couldn't use that reference especially with that southern moron threatening to burn the Koran on September 11. If he did, the shit would not only have hit the fan but every fundamentalist in the States would be reviving racism on multiple levels.

Our own politicos may have been thinking ever since Mr. O has taken office, 'Boy I am glad I'm not in his shoes. He really got handed the shit end of a bunch of sticks. Maybe if we keep quiet our country will keep watching him and we can just quietly go about our business.'

Perhaps I have rambled a bit, but a Scapegoat is a Scapegoat. I have always tried to reject the concept of Scapegoats, why not just stand and tell the truth? "I am a poorly educated lazy facist who wants everything for as little work as possible and will blame anyone I can when they get my way. It can't be my fault I am a(n) (insert country name here)!"

Just a thought.

A faint Pulse

2010-07-31T09:18:00.001-07:00

I have to ask, What's with PBS in the US? Friday night after dinner my darling Danish Princess turned on PBS Detriot, to watch a show called 'The Great American Songbook'. She is after all a Gay Man trapped in a woman's body. Her words not mine so calm down besides I'm just a Lesbian trapped in a decaying male body. Let's get back on point here. So here's this show, telling how great American music became during the early years of the 20th century. The time of Berlin, Hart etc. etc., well I agree but I did find some irony there. What I found amusing was that the Great American Songbook was written mostly by Russian Jewish immigrants that basically stole their musical style and subject matter from Black Americans. They then added enough White Bread American references that it would be deemed palatable to the rest of the country.

Okay maybe I'm being a little harsh on Irving and the other kids he worked with, after all I do enjoy some of the music. It just struck me odd that here is this show polishing over the fact that a lot of what they produced was 'borrowed' from a culture within a culture. The irony was that it is still being done today in popular music. Take EMINEM please. Next up on Detriot PBS was a ridiculous show about the history of Irish America hosted by Patty Duke. I don't know who dressed poor Patty or who did her hair and make-up and then supplied her with a terrible pair of glasses but they should be taken out back and shot. They took poor Patty and gave her middle America hairdo from the late sixties. Unbelievable! Then there was the show itself, Reetty Deetty Dumm Deery Dootie, crap. Again they proceeded to dumb down American History and put it to shamrock music including jigs.

That's when I lost it. I had to look at their programming for the next few days. More of the same sad shit pushing the concept the "Good Ol' Days" and how great America is especially if we package it in sugar and put music to it. I checked the other PBS Station from Seattle, same story, other coast. After checking three days of programming on both stations we realized that there was nothing on these stations to challenge you. There was nothing on these stations to create discussion, stir up a little controversy and engage you mind. Is this a Bush Mandate Holdover, stay the course, America support the troops? Has the commercialization of Public Broadcasting in the United States actually dumbed it down so much it has to play Victor Borge once week until they can save up to buy and play the latest Barry Manilow concert until we all puke and beg for more Victor?

I had a look at Knowledge Network and it's programming list for the next three days. Yes, there are some borrowed English Dramas but all in all it was an engaging lineup. Especially when we saw that at 10pm they were playing 'Wigstock the Movie', a gay romp in the world of drag queens.

That's when it felt good to live here with Knowledge Network asking and answering questions. CBC with Passionate Eye, Doc Zone, Market Place and more, all making us sit up and shout about stuff. That is democracy in action. When will America remind itself that there was more going on in the sixties than Ed Sullivans' Rock & Roll, or that while Big Band Swing Music flourished the world was at War. Have the specialty channels taken over this job in the United States? But what about Bubba and Lou-Anne that can't afford no fancy cable TV Specialty Channels? That's where publicly funded television is important. Look corporate sponsors, just fund the stations and stop dictating their content then we'll see PBS come back to life.

There is a faint pulse of hope if you listen, they do have Tavis Smiley.

Happy Canada Day

2010-07-01T08:07:00.000-07:00

Happy Canada Day!

We live in a great nation but we take a lot of what we have for granted.

I'm not just talking about the regular stuff we have, like universal healthcare, or stable government, hockey, beautiful landscapes and a recovering economy.

Yesterday afternoon I started to ponder what a great melting pot our country is. I was sitting on our deck enjoying a glass of Argentine Wine, I said to my darling wife (the Danish Princess), "I should pull out the Canadian Flag and finally set up the flag pole." Next thing I knew there was the flag. So I rigged up a flag pole from an old brass head board rail. (We Canadians are inventive afterall) After I had it all set up of course there wasn't any wind. Finally I have something I want to flap in the breeze and there's no wind, what's going with this great Canadian Weather?

So, I'm sipping my Argentine Wine and I thought I bet my beautiful Canadian Flag is made in China. It sure was. The other thing I noticed was a special warning on the package. A special message just for our French Canadian brothers and sisters. That's how much the world cares about us, they include special warnings just for Quebec. I am impressed.

Apparently for 3 year old English Canadians there is a choking hazard. For the 3 year old French Canadians not only is there a choking hazard but the flag might suffocate them.

Interesting, OUI.

So after this revelation I went into the house to use my Japanese TOTO Toilet. I undid my Chinese Jeans, dropped my Bangledesh Boxers and relieved my self. I tucked in my Cambodian T Shirt from Superstore back into my Chinese Jeans and headed back out to my Vietnamese deck furniture to sip my Argentine wine and look across the Juan de Fuca at the United States.

Recently I received an e-mail from a former work friend, it was one of those 'Look what our government gives refugees' rant. I didn't answer then but I will now. This whole country is made up of refugees of one sort or another either because of poor economic conditions, persecution of some sort or just people trying to give their future children a better life.

How do you think we get Cambodian T Shirts, Chinese Jeans, GM Trucks, Bangledesh Boxers, Swedish Volvos, Swedish Ikea, Danish Leggo and the list goes on and on?

These refugees write back to their homes of origin and say, 'Hey they need cheaper T Shirts over here'. Next thing you know you're wearing Bangledesh Boxers.

I love Canada, we are a real melting pot, if we weren't I wouldn't have met my imported Danish Wife.

Happy Canada, wave that flag!

Danish Names

2010-06-15T18:52:00.000-07:00

Danish Names

Okay last night I did have a couple glasses of wine. Sometimes though you have a revelation. Last night I did.

Did you realize that if you just put an SEN or a ENGSEN on anything you can create a Danish Name all you do is repeat the original word and add the ending?

Here's some examples"

Fridge becomes Fridge Fridgensen
Bitch becomes Bitch Bitchensen
Stupid becomes Stupid Stupidsen
Homely becomes Homely Homelysen
Happy becomes Happy Happensen
Busty becomes Busty Bustensen
Dick becomes a well known porn writer

And the list goes on. I know it's stupid but it really annoys some of the Danes and amuses the others. At least that's what Yappy Yappensen thinks.

Gooo Denmark

Get Cracking Spin Alert

2010-05-21T09:07:00.000-07:00

Here's the synopsis of the news story that got me going.

Eggs are giving us salmonella.

Apparently they have been since 2007. Who discovered this frightening news? The Egg Marketing Board discovered this and thought we better know.

Here's some details, the salmonella has been found in egg overages sold by poultry meat producers that sell eggs privately and not through the egg marketing board. Free range eggs sold by independent producers and not through the egg marketing board. These eggs have found their way into restaurants and bakeries and other places that use large quantities of eggs, where cost is a major factor. These places are buying cheap eggs to control their costs rather then the price regulated eggs from the egg marketing board. BCTV and the egg marketing board didn't point there price controled fingers at anyone or even name any names. What they did do was use scare tactics to make us supicious of the source of the eggs we have purchased.

Wait a minute, did you notice I slipped in the words 'egg marketing board' multiple times. Gee, I wonder if 'the egg marketing board' has lost sales over the past 3 years. Gee, what do you think?

Even though the egg marketing board was only mentioned twice in the entire news story it seemed pretty obvious (at least to me) that they were spinning this story.

If this started in 2007 why are we just hearing about it now? How did they find these salmonella egg selling criminals? Did it really take them since 2007 to unravel their data and find these culprits? Did the egg marketing board all of sudden realise that starting this July, anyone in Vancouver with a backyard can have TWO Chickens? Did they freak out after doing the math and realising how much money they would lose?

Finally, how come the egg marketing board or BCTV didn't mention that if you do buy eggs from a farmer or poultry producer there is simple a sterilization technique you can use to kill salmonella?

Our egg producing friend explained that Salmonella can be transferred from the shell of the egg if it hasn't be cleaned properly. If you get some eggs and aren't sure if they are clean enough, simply get a large pot, fill it with water and put a few drops of bleach in it. Mix it around and then transfer your eggs into this bath let them sit there for a few minutes and then dry them off. Be sure to wash you hands before and after this exercise.

Ever had one of thooose dayz?

2010-04-07T12:06:00.000-07:00

This is an Andy Rooney Moment

You ever have one of thoose dayz?
It starts alright, you wake up on time, eat your breakfast have a coffee, shower and shave ready for your first appointment.

Ever had one thooose dayz when everything seems to be place, you drive to your appointment and arrive 10 minutes early. No one is in the waiting room except you and then things start change.

Ever had one thooose dayz when your Doctor can't figure out why you are there and why you need a physical when you see him every other week. You explain it's for a pre-surgery examination which then jogs his memory. You find out that you've gained 4 pounds and lost 1/2 an inch in height. Then he ticks all the appropriate boxes for the exam report even the one where you lie a little bit.

Ever had one thooose dayz when he checks you blood pressure, heart rate and you find out your still aliveeee. This is a good thing. Ever had one thooose dayz when he asks if there is anything else then checks the liver spot on your face. He's not sure what it is. He's not sure if a cream would help. HE may have to refer you to someone. HE gets some dry ice to burn the old man thing on the other side of you head off. "This will burn a bit" he says as HE applies it to the old man growth. Burn, yes it burns like some one is hammering a hot nail into your temple.

Ever had one thooose dayz when as you are leaving He gives you your prescriptions and comments on the pending surgery. "This should give you some peace of mind having the defibulator put in, won't improve your condition but it is good for safety." You stand there a moment and discover that you have turned into one those big eyed kids in the black velvet paintings. Staring up you sputter, "But I thought if it resynchronized my ventricles it would improve my condition." He pauses for a second. "It might improve the heart function…. let's hope so."

Ever have one thooose dayz, that starts out with such promise and then you find out there is a turd in your sandwich. Ever had one thooose dayz when you drive forty minutes to pick up your prescriptions only to find they won't be ready until 3pm and it's only 10:30 in the morning? Ever had one thooose dayz when you wonder how and when you became medical experiment and if it will ever end?

Ever had one thooose dayz when you turn from you into a black velvet painting kid and want to get your hearing checked? Ever had one thooose dayz when you turn into Andy Rooney and ramble on about stuff that isn't under your control? Ever had one thooose dayz when you just have to laugh and say whatever, I guess I'll just have to deal with it?

Ever had one thooose dayz when you hope you don't drive everyone crazy talking like Andy Rooney until you go to sleep?

I do and this is one of thooose dayz.

Posting Comments & Followers

2010-03-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

On all my blogs I have included a Follower section. Don't be afraid to become a Follower. I DO NOT SEND OUT E-MAILS TO HARASS YOU. It actually helps me see if my blogs are being used. There was a way of putting a counter on your site to record visits but I haven't been able to find a counter.

Please feel free to leave Comments and become a Follower I enjoy the input.

People have asked how to post comments on my blogs. It is quite simple really. You don't have to give any information that you want too. I have prepared an image which shows the basic steps.

A Little Discovery

2010-03-16T17:44:00.000-07:00

Brie (my daughter) gave me an iTunes gift card, I stumbled upon a great little gem of a musician from Quebec Pascal Picard. I hope you'll enjoy this connection. Another one is Beck's latest.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyaMev6p6qs&feature=PlayList&p=1F33B9D0EAC722E0&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=2

It's a New Puppy

2010-03-15T12:31:00.000-07:00

This is Mia, she a new arrival on the mountain.

Our neighbours, Jill and Simon got her Friday night.

She is a Bernese/Golden Retriever cross and is 9 weeks old. She is the cutest mellowest arrival we have had here on the mountain for at least two years.

This is Jill, the proud Momma just hours after Mia's arrival.

Jill and Simon have a beautiful male Bernese called Cody, they hope to have some puppies in a year.

Who said Dogs don't watch TV

2010-03-12T08:24:00.000-08:00

My two friends, Molly and Brando who are generally stuck to me like glue have really gotten into TV. Not just TV but they like to Skype as well. I think it's because of the resolution available now on the screens. Over the past year they have gone from barking occasionally at movement to actually going nuts over what they see.

Last fall we replaced our dead TV with a higher resolution 42" LCD Samsung. The other thing we did was change our cable package, figuring that we were going to be stuck inside more because of my health condition. Both ideas have been good but there has been a side effect with our four legged friends.

We can't watch the Dog Whisperer, the Westminster Dog Show, anything with dogs, cats or creatures that move. Yes that includes some people, they do sit quietly while Suhana Marchand is doing the news on CBC News Network, but bark at the weather man, (with due cause) Nancy Grace and Joy Behar. I can't blame them really, maybe it's because we start barking ourselves at those two.

Recently Brie posted a great dog treat commercial on her blog. Brando and Molly went nuts and Brando tried desperately to attack the computer. I told Brie and said I would tape him next time I ran it. However I didn't realise Brando like many of us doesn't like reruns. He did not react the same during a second viewing. What was funny was he did pay attention throughout the ad and followed the dog treat through the air as it flew towards a dog mouth.

I combined some footage and came up with a Mr. Brando video.

The dogs have also reviewed 'The Hurt Locker' and agree with the academy. Molly and Brando give 'The Hurt Locker' two very big Paws UP.

Speaking of Movies

2010-02-25T11:29:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to figure this out for a few days. Actually it crossed my mind more than a few months ago.

What's up with Hollywood? I know I sit up on a mountain but how come the best movies I've seen since last fall are animated and believe me I like to watch movies. I find the stories better, more creative, fresher and original.

The new CGI technology is amazing, the backgrounds and scenes are beautiful. They don't ever seemed to be constrained. If you can imagine it, you can create it. Some of these are for kids and some of them are too much for little kids. Some of the humour goes over small ones heads and is obviously aimed at the adult in the room.

No, I haven't seen Avatar yet, and probably won't until the 'buzz' is gone.

Here's my list of latest favourites.

Up - by Pixar/Disney http://adisney.go.com/disneyvide /animatedfilms/up/

9 - by Rob Marshall http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/9_(2009_film)

Monsters vs Aliens by Dreamworks http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0892782/

Ice Age Dawn of the Dinosaurs by Blue Sky Studios http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_Age:_Dawn_of_the_Dinosaurs

Have some fun and try these movies.

Here's a Little Movie

2010-01-15T13:40:00.000-08:00

This a little movie I did using iMovie,
on the new iMac. It's from a group of
photos I found in some old photo album.
It only took about forty minutes and
was a lot of fun.

Going Postal

2010-01-15T06:20:00.001-08:00

For the past few days I've been meaning to sit down write about the 'Mail Service.'

It's not that I don't appreciate Canada Post but really what are they doing?

After hearing on the News about postal rates going up I felt I had to comment.

First though I am going to back track a bit before getting right to the issue. When my Mother died I had to send some items back east. Photo Albums, Framed Photos and small Artwork pieces which I carefully packed up into 9 parcels. Seven were going to Scarbeerea in Ontario and 2 to Calgary Alberta. Each of these parcels weighed about 27 pounds. I used UPS, not my favourite courier but reasonable. I figured why not, it was getting closer to Christmas and I was pretty sure Canada Post would be clogged up and just as expensive.

Here's the deal, the 2 packages that went to Calgary weighed almost 50 pounds and cost about $27.00. They were delivered to the door within 10 days going ground.

Here's where it gets interesting, Norm and Helen sent our girls a little package about 6"x4" and 5" high. The little parcel contained a couple of gift cards and really nice luggage tags and weighed at worst 1/4 pound. They were charged $11.50 by Canada Post. This parcel was small enough to actually fit in our mail box at the end of the street. It could also have been placed in the parcel box. Did our through rain, snow or sleet people do this?

No, the lazy bugger just scrawled a door knob hanger and stuck into our mail box with the other mail. This meant we had to drive into town to pick it up.

Here's the rant. Canada Post is going to raise the postal rates for two Reasons. This is what it boils down to...."Canada Post is delivering less mail to more addresses, so rates have to go up."

What the heck does that mean? There are more addresses in Canada than before...Okay, the nation is growing. Canada Post is delivering less mail than before because people are using UPS, FEDEX and Purolator because they are faster, cheaper,as well as pick up and deliver to your front door.

Here's the first question....How do you deliver less mail to more locations? Here's the second question...How is less mail going to more locations justify a hike in postal rates?

Did we just get screwed again by the Post Office and more so by the powerful Postal Union.....?

Less for more, great concept maybe we should go into work and ask for a raise and less work to do.

Sorry, I'm a bit confused...........

A New Year

2010-01-03T09:28:00.001-08:00

Well here we are in a New Year, New Decade and possibly New Adventures.

There's a couple of things I would like to see cleared up this decade.

No it's not the obvious, of course not I'm the one writing this blog.

Leading up to and including the Christmas Season, which is the traditional time of giving and generosity, I almost went mental with demands from Charities that bombarded the TV Airways.

We should give to Charities, but really can't they possibly give a slightly more positive spin on what they do. They should be able to show the work they are doing and how it is positively effecting the lives of the children, families and animals they claim to help. Instead they bombard us with sad faced children, sad faced animals, dirty, fly encrusted visions of the creatures they want us to help. In background Sarah or Somebody else moans a sad song. (by the way even when Sarah sings a happy song it sounds a bit sad, thank God it isn't Jan singing we'd all write cheques and then slit our wrists)

Here's a weird and wild concept, why don't you Bureaucratic Driven Charities show some of the positive work you have done! Show us how our donations have help put smiles on these kids faces, clothes on their backs, water in their cups, and food in their bellies. Show us how the SPCA has helped heal some of the abuse a dog has endured. How these animals have been adopted out and become happy family members.

I have been surrounded this holiday by 3 rescued dogs, that now live happy well fed lives. They get all the water they need and get to go out and free range poop all over my driveway. That's what these guys have to show!

Sorry readers but I really have had it with these charities! My Mother was a victim of their advertising technique. Twice a month she was bombarded by the SPCA, WWF, WIF, Blind Baseball Players with Lukemia Association, The Lame Lawyers of BC, The Almost Deaf Fire Fighters Society, American Society to Save the Fucking Red Woods, The Canadian Society to Save Maple Trees and the Really Conservative Party of Canada.

Show us what you can do, what you have done and then maybe we will feel good about sending you a yearly donation. Make us believe that we are not feeding your bureaucratic machine.

Wells & Christmas & Ugly Things

2009-12-21T09:24:00.001-08:00

Here's a picture of Travis lifting up the Well Drilling Rig on our driveway. I bet him a toonie he couldn't do it and now I'm out 2 bucks.

He can use it for their much delayed honeymoon and Christmas shopping.

It's been a longer year than usual because it really started back in October of 2008 when Dad died. Then we had Janna's broken foot, Janna and Travis's Wedding, my heart surgery, Brie heading off to Geneva, then my Mom moved into a home, then my Mom died, having to sell her house and having more heart problems. I'll be glad when this year is over. I think the low lights out weighed the highlights if not equaling them. It can only get better from here.

Sometimes when you review things you forget to include some bright little things because the ugly things seem so big. I wrote that last paragraph and thought, Wait a minute you forgot about all the visits we had over the year what a goof. My cousins came to visit, Allan & Deb, Phylis & Dave, Maureen, and the boys came Marc & Cory, then there was Norm & Helen, Sister Linda, Brother Jim and our friends Carole & Terry. I didn't include all the visits from J&T or Brie and I probably missed a few more visitors like Lynn and Dale. But hey I'm only human or at least a good portion of me still is. All in all I guess it was a difficult year but we have been surround by a supportive family and friends. I hate this time of the year I get even more mushy than usual. Sniff Sniff and then honk.

Finally, thanks to my parents we are Drilling a Well. This will give us some independence from the Strata. Right now they at the 240' mark and hopefully they will hit water soon. Either they hit water or I have very expensive 300' by 8 inch hole on the edge of our driveway. I guess I'll know later today.

Have a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

40 Words for Sorrow

2009-12-16T20:21:00.001-08:00

I can't help myself, Tom Waits would comment and I must comment.

I have been reading a Canadian Author, and amazingly have read over 295 pages of point 8 type in little more than 2 days. That in itself is impressive, just ask my family. The book is call Forty words for Sorrow by Giles Blunt, pick it up it's worth the read.

The book of course has nothing to do with my rant other than the villains are monsters. In this rant the villains are the moronic media and the state of media particularly in the USA are monsters (we're not much better).

I am of course talking about Tiger Woods and the brutal disgusting, continual attacks on him and his family. I am not saying what he did was right. In my opinion Mr. Woods has been managed , controlled and been a Puppet for the Tiger machine since he was 4 years old. After every win at a tournament he has been told what to say, not what to say, when to smile, when to laugh, pump his arm in the air and look concerned.

Disaster always starts with one mistake. The minute he tried to escape the control in his life, the minute he rebelled, He knew his life was screwed and nothing would change that fact. It really didn't matter whether he got drunk, smoked a joint or cheated at mini golf, his life path was altered. That's when that dragon I mentioned before showed up. It doesn't matter who you are. It will wrap its' tail around you and say something like, "Hey, listen you already screwed up doing that thing you did and you're toast if any one finds out right? One more won't hurt, HEY damned if you and damned if you don't, know what I mean?"

In the book I'm reading Blunt mentions that the Inuit have 40 words for snow. He thinks we need 40 words for sorrow. Forty words for sorrow wouldn't help Tiger Woods because even if he had them and used them, the media would cheapen the words. I don't care how much he has made or is worth, I don't care who the central character of this story is!

The coverage of this 'situation' is a scandal. Shame on you, there are way more important stories to cover.

My Favourite Kid's Story

2009-12-05T11:05:00.000-08:00

I am a big Tom Waits fan. He's not only a great song writer, he's a great story teller. This story is from his CD Orphans. He has new CD out called Glitter and Doom Live. It is live performances from around the world. Included is an extra disc of Tom Tales which is hilarious. Check out his website.

The images on this video were the only things I had on hand, they are of me, Molly and Brando during last summer's heat wave. We had heard that to cool the dogs we had to get a bucket of cool water and a towel. You then soak the towel and rub their tummies with the water. I knew what was going on in the video and it seemed funny. However my brother-inlaw stopped by yesterday for a visit and pointed out that it looked a little crude. I didn't realize how rude this looks on tape until I saw it through someone's eyes. It's still funny though.

I think I'll get busy and redo the little video to match the words.

There's your story, Night Night go to Sleep.

Abbreviations

2009-10-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning at 5am, pondering abbreviations. Why would any sane person ponder abbreviations at 5am? That is really the question and the answer is that perhaps my sanity should be questioned.

It all started yesterday afternoon after reading some information on Ejection Fractions and heart issues. There was a 3 letter combination that stuck out and helped wake me up at 5am.

I guess I'm sick of all these short cut combinations. Combinations like; 24/7, LOL, (even worse) 24/7/365, BPV(remember that one), CRIS, the list goes on and on everytime you turn around there is a new letter combination. BFF, WTF, when will it stop and why should it disrupt my sleep?

The one that got me yesterday was SCD, initially I thought why did they bother? I thought about it for a bit and decided SCD did work. SCD does sound better than Sudden Cardiac Death and maybe I should just let it slide. So this morning when I woke up thinking about SCD, I decided that SCD was the best three letter combination of 2009. So I guess that makes it B3LC09, doesn't exactly roll of the tongue but it will do. I just don't want to loose anymore sleep over letter combinations or stuff I don't have control over. Good Night!

Together Again

2009-10-17T13:02:00.001-07:00

It is a strange experience when you loose a parent. It is a stranger experience when you loose two within a year. There is a certain sense of loss of control. You know that it is going to happen, and you have come to grip with the concept for a number of years but it is a strange letting go built part on sadness and at the same time relief.

Dad died October 1st, 2008 after his battle with cancer. He had no pain, this was a blessing. Mom died September 25, 2009 after her battle with loosing my Father. I am not going to go into details of the last year, but let me just say it was a long year for the whole family.

I have come to the conclusion that when we find ourselves (and I know we all will) in the final days of our lives time should be better spent. Time should be better spent mending bridges, expressing the love a family has for all its' parts and bringing peace to the person passing. Our family did its' best to achieve this goal.

In the end my Mother joined my Father as Brie said for 'Grilled Cheese Sandwiches'. Both my parents were cremated and I picked up Mom on Thursday October 1st. They both had their 'Grilled Cheese Sandwiches' in the laundry room of the house they shared for so many years.

I will be bringing them to Vancouver Island after I build a proper home for them both and Dad's climbing Rose Bush. Next summer we will have a family get together and speak of all the good times we had as a family and the journey they have taken together.

Where do they come up with this Stuff?

2009-09-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

Just a programming note. I had the misfortune to be grinding through the channels last night looking for something half decent to watch after dinner. Other than the amusing SHAQ Vs series I was perplexed by the new crop of reality crap.

Have you seen Pregnant & 16 yet. I really can't believe that they have sponsors for this shite. If they think they are doing anyone a service by showing this, they must have lost their collective minds. It does not help 16 year olds cope with pregnancy, it does not educate, it does not inform. It shows a spoiled 16 year old cheerleader teenager and her posh life and the 'struggle' she goes through having a baby. Now I admit I only watched one episode which condensed 9 months of pregnancy, giving birth, fighting with her mother, buying a new car with grandpa into a half an hour. Hopefully that was the end of series and it will never be shown again.

What happened to content? This is not Reality TV, this isn't even TV. Somebody out there must be able to write a series, a drama, a sitcom that actually says something. Maybe after watching the complete 5 seasons of HBO's 'The Wire' I have become spoiled. We need to want more from TV.

Click

Dear Sigmund

2009-09-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Sigmund,
Have you ever had one of those dreams that is so filled with symbols that you are actually a little worried about it? I did this morning.
I haven't been sleeping that well, lots of busy dreams for weeks now. I woke about 3am today and couldn't get back to sleep so I got up and watched NewsWorld for an hour and a half.

After finally dragging my sorry butt back into bed, I worked at getting to sleep for about 20 minutes which at 4:30 am seems like an eternity. Now I know I've got a lot on my mind, Painting, Mother, Daughter #2, Daughter #1, Wife, Gardening, Going Back to the Big Box and that is only a few on the list but this dream was strange.

The location was weird to start, a Soup Kitchen in North Vancouver at dusk which then led to a meeting with my Philosopher Tattoo Artist Friend. This was followed by a ride in his vintage Lincoln to New Westminster, which according to my dreamscape was only a five minute ride. Carrying a file folder I walked to our First House in Burnaby only to find that two of my deceased dogs and original cat from my childhood were loose in the backyard. Being that I was in a hurry I climbed into my old yellow GM Van which I haven't had for 28 years and started down the driveway only to slam on the brakes. I had noticed a man walking his dog, a Golden Lab about 6 years old. For some reason I thought I better put the cat and the two dogs into the house before they chased the man with the Golden Dog. Besides that they had been out all night as I had been and I didn't want to get in trouble with my wife who wasn't up yet.

I have spent a good part of the day trying to figure out what a Soup Kitchen, Tattoo Artist, Ride in a Lincoln, First House, Yellow Van, Deceased Dogs & Cat, Golden Lab and Sleepless Nights holding a File Folder means. I forgot to mention three Locations.

I'm not sure if I should be worried about my mortality or was this just a case of bad indigestion? I think I'll go with that.

Just a tip for all you dreamers don't do experimental cooking and drink white wine when you have too much on your mind. It gives you weird dreams.

Repetitive Mother Syndrome

2009-09-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

The standing topic around here lately is my Mother. Seems that every weekend we are dealing with yet another crisis, either real or manufactured.

It's getting boring for our friends hearing us go on and on about the whacky non-adventures of my Mother. You can't imagine how tedious it has become for us. We would like a change of subject. We have made a concerted effort to stop whining, whimpering, bitching, moaning and groaning about her nonsense but with our best efforts it sneaks out. It is almost like having a tick of some sort.

At the beginning of August, Mother was moved into an assisted living facility. The doctor felt she needed help, especially with nutrition or her lack of nutrition. Each week following her incarceration she has complained about the food and anything else she could come up with. Each weekend, (starting now Thursdays) there is a new real or not real health issue to deal with. I may sound a little harsh here but if you had her full medical history you would understand where I am coming from. I am actually dreading weekends now. The only thing I find amusing is that Mother talks with my wife like she is just a gal/pal and says some of the weirdest stuff and shares ideas like I won't find out about them. This is even funnier because, over six months ago we started using the speaker function on the phone instead of trying to repeat theses bizarre conversations we both have with her.

Last night Mom asked Merete, "What do you think John would say if I hired a truck and moved all my stuff back into the house?" Luckily, Merete had to end the conversation because guests arrived, but she told to me what popped into her mind was two words ICE FLOW. After that I thought about having a competition asking everyone to send in 5 things I would likely say.

Before you all raise you arms up screaming at your monitors about what an insensitive bugger I am, I admit that it seemed funny at the time. It's really not that funny the next morning. I am not sure if she will actually ask me that question. If she does it will be on a Thursday or Friday just in time to have it run through my mind all weekend and stir the pot.

I am not looking forward to going to the mainland this week and visiting her one on one. You may not have heard the last of Repetitive Mother Syndrome, sorry.

Two Headed Dragons

2009-09-06T13:48:00.000-07:00

I just posted this on my Heart Blog. This version is almost the same but with a few changes.

One of the side effects of surgery is depression. It’s not that I’m unfamiliar with depression, I have suffered from it on and off for most of my life. It never lasted very long except one time.

When I did seek professional help, I dealt with a Shrink. He was nothing like HUFF. He mostly looked bored and yawned a lot. In the end regarding my depression and how it manifested itself, he told me it was a reaction to stress. He also told me that stress and how we react to it is different for everybody.

I keep an eye out for stress now, it not only depresses me but it gave me a heart attack.

The hospital doesn’t talk that much about depression, either does the doctors. They just give you a prescription and send you home. It’s not quite right, if I hadn’t recognised the name of the drug I would have thought it was just another pain killer . The problem is that silence doesn’t help you. Most anti-depressives have side effects and they effect everyone differently.

Bupropian in too high of a dose makes me anxious. I may not feel depressed but it feels like the walls are closing in when I travel anywhere. I used to leave home for work in downtown Vancouver feeling great, by the time I got there I was a nervous wreck. Those other asshole drivers were trying to kill me. Later I found out it wasn't all the medication, they were assholes and most of were potential serial killers. The other thing they need to tell you is that you have ease off these drugs. DON’T LET YOUR PRESCRIPTION LAPSE AND GO WITHOUT THE DRUGS FOR A FEW DAYS. The next thing you know you’ll meet the two headed dragon.

The two headed dragon slides up to you and starts to work. The head with the short neck starts to whisper things in your ear. Self doubt, questions your actions, reminds you of the things you should be doing. While it starts to whisper, the head with long neck begins gradually to wrap itself around you, starting at the bottom and working upwards. You can't get happy, or high enough, you never feel like you've had too much to drink there is no effect. The next thing you know you are not sleeping well, you’re tired all the time. Puppies on TV start to make you cry and anything even remotely sentimental makes you well up. Any aches or pains you have drive you crazy but you don't want to sound like a whiner, so you shut the fuck up and mutter to yourself when no one is looking. While this is going on the whispering continues and gets stronger. Your subconscious won’t let you be, the next thing know you are staring into space contemplating the pile of crap your life has become. This massive pile of crap that you have created and have lost control, as if you can ever have control. If you do have control there is something wrong with you, SEEK HELP. Find some kaos, it makes for a full life.

Yes, I am the poster boy for stupid sometimes I ran out of pills just at the right time. I sent away paintings that I haven''t been paid for (no advice please), my Mother regained her title of DRAMA QUEEN and actually has us all worried about her health again. Enough about me.

Your prescription has run out so you get back on your medication. That’s what you do. If you have never had any medication for depression, you go see your GP and explain to him or her what has been going on inside your melon. You take extra vitamin B50’s, go to bed early for a few days and let things get balanced out. Before you know it, your life isn’t as big a pile of crap, you stop beating yourself up and start to deal with the minor problems that have been bothering you. One problem at a time.

It’s raining outside with sunny breaks much like life. I feel better having talked about after surgery and depression. The pain I suffer from is minor now, my breathing is stabilizing, the problems I have to deal with are not so bad, I am almost ready to get back to work at the Big Box and I am glad to be alive. I hate taking pills but you know they are keeping me alive in spite of my bad habits. That's a good thing, otherwise you would have to read another blog and I would have no one to irritate.

Don’t forget to take your medication whatever it is.

America Home of the ??

2009-07-28T12:00:00.001-07:00

I haven't had a chance or a good reason to Blog until the last two weeks of news from America the beautiful.

It is really beautiful, but it's also a lot like one of those old Blonde Jokes sometimes.

Over the years I've kept track of 'Stupid' stories
from the States. It started before I moved to the
mountain way back in the 70's actually.

There was the MacDonalds' coffee incident, where a woman bought some coffee at a drive through. She had it in her lap and it spilled and burnt her legs and privates. This meant of course that she could sue Ronald and Gang, because of course it was their fault that she had a boiling cup of fresh brewed coffee in her lap. She did win millions.

Then, there was the Philadelphia Zoo Worker that had the bright idea that they could safely feed a Polar Bear grapes by hand. It doesn't take a lot of imagination to figure out how this idiot ended up with the nickname lefty. Again the Zoo was sued for creating a hostile environment for the Polar Bears that made them Aggressive. Aren't they wild animals when they are not in cages?

My most recent, 'What were you thinking, and Why would you let anybody know that you did this ?' A woman was at an animal park and was in the alligator cage with a handler. She preceded to put her face cheek by joule to the alligator as the handler held the head up in the air. Boy was she surprised when the critter grabbed her by the face almost removing an eye. Not only was the act 'Stupid', but then she went on TV and shared it with the world. I suppose to warn us all 'Not to Put Our Faces Next to Live Alligators cause it could be Dangerous'.

The other thing in the past weeks I enjoyed was Mr Obama's response to police arresting a Black Professor in his own house after showing his Identification. I agree, this was a stupid act and really shows the true state of equality in North America. I would also like to thank him for using the word 'STUPID', because somethings are just Stupid and should be declared so otherwise why do we keep the word. Yes it can be used inappropriately but come on when was used this context it was bang on the money.

But that's just my opinion and you are free to think it's Stupid. Oh, don't forget not to put your head in the Restaurant Bathroom Fabric Towel Dispensor Loop there is a hanging risk. Just look for the safety label made in America.

Financial Forecast & Bizarro

2009-06-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

Right now across North America workers are winning a million dollars. I saw a piece on the news last night about a giant shopping mall north of Calgary that had a job fair that offered 3500 jobs to the local residents.

It should be interesting to see how many of these potential employees stay with these jobs and reach the million dollar goal.

Retail is not for everyone, believe me I know. My BBS experience has hardened me towards the public. These 3500 workers will be tested. It doesn't matter how smart you are, how talented, how quick, how funny or caring.

Once you are working in a retail centre in any position people will look at you differently. The vast majority will be good to deal with, but a large number of these people will treat you like third class citizens. You are nothing to them almost sub-human. You will learn to appreciate the good people and put up with the assholes. When you go shopping you will be a wonderful patient customers that knows how to actually use the stores system to get what you want.

Right now, seniors whose retirement income has been cut, unemployed industry workers, labourers and thousands of other out of work people as well as graduating students will be hoping to win that million dollars. Hopefully they will start at $10 an hour or more so that it will take them less time to reach the million mark.

Once I have recovered from surgery I will be back at the BBS on the hunt for my own million.It's just to bad that every 25 years or so we have to grow through this kind of economic nightmare. Really this isn't new, just go through the archives and you will see the trend. Get ready for the next "down turn" and slide some of you bucks into that mattress, the next "market adjustment" might be worse.

Thanks to Bizarro for hitting what I think is a reality nail right on the head.

Poor Reporting

2009-06-23T13:03:00.000-07:00

Due to a lack of things to do on Sunday and a poor TV schedule, we had the misfortune of watching Global National Sunday Evening News.

What a horrendous waste of time. I watch a lot of news and I think like any good story there should be a beginning, a middle and an end. Somebody should point this out to these guys. They seemed at least this past Sunday to be more interested in the lead in headlines than the stories.

They also tended to push out the most outrageous headline prior to a commercial in an effort to keep you tuned in and then didn't follow up after the break until three stories later.

The topper for me was one of those "Breaking News" pieces. Sunday's breaking news story was the killing of 2 boys and beating of their mother and the death of their assailant . I"ll check my facts and update this later, I'm on a roll.

Global Nationals' Breaking News' headline before the break was "Two teens believed killed and mother injured in attack details after the break." After the break they came back with "Two teens, believed killed, mother injured in attack in greater Vancouver suburb." and that was it. What kind of reporting is that?

I'm not that media savvy but really why not just fill the time with a complete story about puppies or something. Give us something with a beginning, a middle and an end. If you don't have enough facts to do a proper story shut up until you do.

The Dance that almost killed me.

2009-05-25T17:29:00.000-07:00

You know if there was a way to go this would have been it. Ain't dead yet....... dancing at one of your two beloved daughters weddings would have been the way, oh man yessss! This is the first version of my little dance movie. Once I can sit at my computer for a few more hours I will edit this and add pictures of all my beautiful nieces and nephews, friends and loved ones cutting a rug.

Man what a party Travis & Janna put on! Good on you, you can plan my next party!

This is what life is about loving your family and friends.

Cheers til sometime in the next few weeks. John

Did I mention it was sooo worth it!

Stand on Guard for Thee?

2009-05-15T14:41:00.000-07:00

When is a bribe not a bribe? Apparently a bribe is not a bribe when you are the former prime minister of this country! The former PM must never have watched any of those fabulous old gangster movies that started out in the forties and then reformulated in the fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties. You know the ones where the gangster/mobster or sleaze bag villain slides the envelope stuffed with cash across the desk to the corrupt politician. The one where the envelope is tucked inside a folded newspaper and handed off to civil servant in order to sway a contract bidding process.

I always thought that Patronage appointments were the height of our political system scandals and the peak of government drama. Now we have a new benchmark. The dark under belly of the Canadian Political System has been exposed. Between the naughty Jean Jean and his honorable Fiburoney the true nature of backdoor Canadian Politics has been revealed and it is ugly.

In conversation with a Libyan National once, I was told that Arabs counted their fingers after shaking hands with a Canadian Business Man. I never believed it, however after the recent televised hearings, I may have to reconsider my views.

Who really stands on guard for thee? I know our troops believe they do but what kind of backroom deals sent them to the other side of the planet. Do we really want to spread democracy that is corrupted by backdoor business dealings. Was it really a case of "poor judgement" at the time and "regrettable" or is this similar to the greed which the world economy has fallen victim too?

Let's all be aware of the pitfalls of greed and make no room for the corrupt. If democracy is what we want to export then it should be transparent and for the better of the people that need it, not rich business men, corrupt politicians and civil servants.

I will now dismount my soap box and continue on with my day.

BBS Episode 1

2009-05-04T17:30:00.000-07:00

Episode 1 - “The Oval Vanity Sink”

For the past three years I’ve work in a “Home and Garden Store”. I won’t name my employer but in this case it really doesn’t matter, it is the public that I find amusing. I have a thing about British people that makes me mental. They ask and refer to too many things that have nothing to do with the actual situation you are dealing with. I guess that’s why I love “Little Britain”. If you haven’t seen it you should. One of the things I love about the ‘Brits’ is that they make fun of who they are and how they react to things. The other thing that I am amazed by is that they don’t do anything about it and don’t seem to change. Maybe it’s their sense of comedy. In this next segment I will write in English but try to write in Brit as well.

Scene: The Vanity Sink Aisle of My Box Store

Woman standing alone, looking perplexed. I am passing by with an armload of faucet boxes surrounded by 4 customers all of whom are asking questions.

Brit: Excuuuuse me do yooou work here.......
Yes, I do.
Brit: I neeed some help if yer nawt too bizzzzzy!
I’ll be with you in a moment; as soon as I have helped these other customers.

2 minutes go by, I find the Brit pacing and muttering about the lack of staff to customer ratio. She is standing in front of the the vanity sink display.

Sorry to keep you waiting, how can I help.
(I’m thinking here it comes)

Brit: No probby,,,,,(as she taps her toe and standing with her back to the display, raising her arms she starts to make an oval shape, which is the identical shape to the sink behind her large Brit head)
Brit: I’m looking for a sinnnnk......it’s an ovaaaal in white enameled steel by American Standard buuuutt I can’t seeeem to find it . Can you help?

(oh fuck I think, raising my left hand I point over her right shoulder)
Similar to the white one behind you?

Brit: Ooooohhh, really? Is it white?
Why yes, it is American Standard white.
Brit: Is that bright white or warm white?
American Standard has a bright white.
Brit:Oooohhhhh
There is a pause as she ponders white.

Brit: Do you think my huuuzband would like it?
I’m not sure Maam, I haven’t met your husband.
Brit: He middle aaaaged, and baulding slightly overweeeeight.
I’m not sure Maam.
Brit: Does it commme in bowwnne?
Why yes it does.
Brit: I dooooan’t liiike bowwwnne!
Oh.
Brit: I think my faaaather woould like it.
That’s good.
Brit: He’s dead.
(fuck how long is this going to go on?)
I am sorry for your loss.
Brit: Diiied a number yeeears ago, tragiccc reeeally.
Sorry to hear that.
Brit: Wasn’t muuuch of a father but what can you do reeeally. I’m writing my memiors,
I haaave three children Bradley, Thomas and EEElizabeth, named after the Queen, the Queen of England of course. I was raised in a cult in South Aaaafreeca. Horrrible realllyy but fascinating. All raaather sordid really....... what a time I had as a child. Personal sacrifices, chicken sacrifices, develops you as a person reeeeally........... I require a toilet.......... Bradley is an accountant.
(Where is this going? I now have 5 customers watching and waiting)
Brit: I’d like one thooooose toilets then, how dooo I get oonne?
(pointing towards a box on the shelf) Like that one; how do I get it?
(the other customers have started to tap their toes on the concrete floor, time to wrap this nightmare up asap)
You place them on a cart and then you go to the cashiers.
Brit:Oooooohhhhhh
Do You have a cart Maaam?
Brit: Ooooh Noooooo
Did you want me to get you a cart?
Brit: If iiit’s no trouble.
No problem. (I slide an uncomfortable smile towards the other customers and then run like a maniac to find a cart and dispatch the Brit after prying her off my left teet)

This experience has lasted over twenty minutes. I deal with the next 5 customers all within 10 minutes and all leave happy. Life in a Box Store makes you tired.

Next Episode: What is the water level in these toilets?

Heart Hoochie-Coo

2009-05-02T11:13:00.000-07:00

I just spent 3 fun filled days in the hospital being poked and prodded. It's not that I like that sort of experience but it was necessary. On May 28th I get to have my chest opened up and have a valve replacement. Sounds like fun doesn’t it!

I’m not really worried about the surgery, I really have no choice. The valve being replaced has been slowly deteriorating over my lifetime. I will be glad to have it fixed. For the past five years it’s been like living with a time bomb in my chest. It is a weird sensation slowly feeling this monster get worse especially over the past years.

I have been very active for all of my life, I work, play and live to the fullest. Yes I have done many things that are a bad for my body but I am still here. I smoke, drink and dance the hoochie-coo but this is not the real cause of problems. It hasn’t helped but I was born with this problem and when my stress level caused the original heart attack my world started to change. I did modify my behaviour to a some extent after the first incident, the biggest being getting rid of a external stress and eating better. However I still smoked, drank and danced the hoochie-coo.

The most fearful test I underwent over the 3 days was a angiogram. This is where they open an artery and shove probe into your heart to check the coronary arteries. This scared me more than the pending surgery. Amazingly enough my arteries are pristine, my last 5 years of stress free smoking drinking and dancing the hoochie-coo has not put me in this position. The time bomb was still a time bomb and was the inevitable course I was to take through this life. This said, I am going to modify my life style and concentrate more on painting, gardening occasionally drinking and dancing the hoochie-coo. The smoking issue still is a demon to deal with. I do plan to do battle with it just like I do with bouts of depression.

The staff at the hospital was amazing except a few that were just a bit tedious. I have to respect them all for their endless patience dealing with some of us morons though.

Case in point more than a couple of morbidly obese women from Great Britain. These morons could not understand why they were in the cardiac care unit at all. I was amazed. None of them tipped the scale under 280 pounds, all had the complexion of 3 week old sliced turkey luncheon meat. All had diabetes and probably hadn’t eaten a fresh vegetable in twenty years. One claimed to have her diabetes under control saying that her blood sugar was stable at a constant 8* until entering the hospital and they had messed up her life. She didn’t seem to appreciate that the staff had saved her life twice by putting no less than eleven stents in heart. How many stents do they have to put in a person until they appreciate the procedure?

Let me be clear, I am not dissing heavy people. We all have genetic predispositions in our physical makeup. You can be big and healthy too, there is nothing wrong with it. Being active eating properly will keep you alive. Boiling the nutrients out of your veggies, eating fatty meats, processed food and being sedentary will kill you.

Eating properly, being active, moderate drinking, an occasional toot and dancing the hootchie-coo won’t! Go eat a raw carrot, have a slice of banana and live you life.

Keep in mind that there are some things you have no control over like genetic time bombs. You just have to get out and live life and listen to your body.Find a healthier balance.

(*Check with your doctor having a sugar level at 8 is a wee bit on the unhealthy side.)

When is a Flu not a Flu.

2009-04-26T14:09:00.000-07:00

This morning I sat in stunned amazement while a spokesperson from the World Health Organisation talked about Swine Flu. He actually didn’t say a single thing for at least ten minutes. Finally CBC NewsWorld went back to the anchor desk, realizing that he was talking in circles and not really giving any information other than they (WHO) were aware of Flu outbreak.

I am not joking, this spokesman using a well modulated monotone to keep the world from freaking out over Swine Flu never said a thing. He managed to call it a Swine Flu but then said it was not Swine Flu. This is not a Pandemic but is like a Pandemic. What is that? The fact that there were multiple cases in Canada, USA, Mexico and symptoms in a couple of other countries doesn’t mean it is a Pandemic. The fact that there has been about sixteen deaths apparently does not seem to matter. The American Centre for Disease Control had tested patients and had confirmed that these were “Swine Flu” like symptoms. Canada and Mexico have done the same.

What I keep wondering is when will the World Health Organisation actually give us lowly plebes a straight answer? I can understand their concern not wanting to spread hysteria around the globe but why set up a news conference to spread a bunch of double talk. Leave that to the professionals, our elected officials.

I sat there fixated on this spokesman, wondering if I was listening properly. When CBC cut away in the what appeared to be the middle of his talk, I could tell that the News Anchor and I were both hearing the same thing. Absolutely nothing at all was being said. The Anchor appeared as annoyed as I had become.

It really reminded me of an old comedy skit about CNN. The camera is set up with a microphone at a closed screen door. CNN keeps cutting to a live feed on the door because something or someone may make an announcement. Nothing ever happens but they keep cutting back to over and over again.

I have to give credit to CBC for cutting away and not wasting our time. I look forward to actually get some real information on the “Non Swine-Swine Flu”.

Greed, Corruption & the LifeBoy Bonus

2009-03-17T18:30:00.000-07:00

I have watched with interest over the past months as the economy of world has fallen victim to greed and corruption.

It has affected us all, no matter what age we are. Here we are coming up to tax time and I have noticed a lack of information coming our way on regarding our retirement savings. Our advisors have fallen silent.

This does not really surprise me, the concept of Freedom 55 is not for the general public.

Freedom 55 is for financial planners and not for common working folk.

Just when the situation seemed beyond ridiculous, along comes the story of AIG bonuses. Call me old fashioned but I thought you received a bonus when you performed well and did work beyond your basic duties. A bonus is for excellence or it was until the new AIG definition.

I'm not saying that these people didn't deserve to get paid, they were after all working and just "following orders" from their leaders. Haven't we heard that before, say back in the late thirties in Germany. Now that may be considered a harsh comparison after all these workers aren't Nazis but really why didn't anybody stand up say "Hey what's going on here is wrong!" Didn't we learn the lesson last time?

Nobody spoke up back in Germany. Nobody spoke up when these financial institutions started to screw the pouch and let Greed rule the day. Our results are not as harsh as those in the thirties but Millions of people have been injured by Greed. To add insult to injury NOW they are using Tax dollars to bail the Greedy Buggers out and supply them with Bonuses. Shame!

I like happy endings, but I'm not counting on one this time. The pouch has been screwed and most of the workers have been given a LifeBoy bonuses.