Two Headed Dragons

I just posted this on my Heart Blog. This version is almost the same but with a few changes.

One of the side effects of surgery is depression. It’s not that I’m unfamiliar with depression, I have suffered from it on and off for most of my life. It never lasted very long except one time.

When I did seek professional help, I dealt with a Shrink. He was nothing like HUFF. He mostly looked bored and yawned a lot. In the end regarding my depression and how it manifested itself, he told me it was a reaction to stress. He also told me that stress and how we react to it is different for everybody.


I keep an eye out for stress now, it not only depresses me but it gave me a heart attack.

The hospital doesn’t talk that much about depression, either does the doctors. They just give you a prescription and send you home. It’s not quite right, if I hadn’t recognised the name of the drug I would have thought it was just another pain killer . The problem is that silence doesn’t help you. Most anti-depressives have side effects and they effect everyone differently.

Bupropian in too high of a dose makes me anxious. I may not feel depressed but it feels like the walls are closing in when I travel anywhere. I used to leave home for work in downtown Vancouver feeling great, by the time I got there I was a nervous wreck. Those other asshole drivers were trying to kill me. Later I found out it wasn't all the medication, they were assholes and most of were potential serial killers. The other thing they need to tell you is that you have ease off these drugs. DON’T LET YOUR PRESCRIPTION LAPSE AND GO WITHOUT THE DRUGS FOR A FEW DAYS. The next thing you know you’ll meet the two headed dragon.

The two headed dragon slides up to you and starts to work. The head with the short neck starts to whisper things in your ear. Self doubt, questions your actions, reminds you of the things you should be doing. While it starts to whisper, the head with long neck begins gradually to wrap itself around you, starting at the bottom and working upwards. You can't get happy, or high enough, you never feel like you've had too much to drink there is no effect. The next thing you know you are not sleeping well, you’re tired all the time. Puppies on TV start to make you cry and anything even remotely sentimental makes you well up. Any aches or pains you have drive you crazy but you don't want to sound like a whiner, so you shut the fuck up and mutter to yourself when no one is looking. While this is going on the whispering continues and gets stronger. Your subconscious won’t let you be, the next thing know you are staring into space contemplating the pile of crap your life has become. This massive pile of crap that you have created and have lost control, as if you can ever have control. If you do have control there is something wrong with you, SEEK HELP. Find some kaos, it makes for a full life.

Yes, I am the poster boy for stupid sometimes I ran out of pills just at the right time. I sent away paintings that I haven''t been paid for (no advice please), my Mother regained her title of DRAMA QUEEN and actually has us all worried about her health again. Enough about me.

Your prescription has run out so you get back on your medication. That’s what you do. If you have never had any medication for depression, you go see your GP and explain to him or her what has been going on inside your melon. You take extra vitamin B50’s, go to bed early for a few days and let things get balanced out. Before you know it, your life isn’t as big a pile of crap, you stop beating yourself up and start to deal with the minor problems that have been bothering you. One problem at a time.

It’s raining outside with sunny breaks much like life. I feel better having talked about after surgery and depression. The pain I suffer from is minor now, my breathing is stabilizing, the problems I have to deal with are not so bad, I am almost ready to get back to work at the Big Box and I am glad to be alive. I hate taking pills but you know they are keeping me alive in spite of my bad habits. That's a good thing, otherwise you would have to read another blog and I would have no one to irritate.

Don’t forget to take your medication whatever it is.