Battlefield Driveway

"What are we going to do today Brain?" says Pinky.

Brain replies,
"Same thing we do every night, Try and Take over the World."










It's a damp overcast morning. I have returned from the trenches wounded and disheartened, my battle still rages on. For the past number of weeks I have been doing battle with a Rat. I feel like I'm stuck in a twisted version of The Secret of NIMH or Pinky and The Brain.

During one of our cold snaps earlier this spring, a local wood pile Rat decided that climbing up the right front tire and up under the hood of our Honda Element would keep him warm. In late March, I started to notice a smell in the car. At first it wasn't too bad but as the temperature outside climbed the smell became worse. Initially I could not figure out the cause.

By Mother's Day I had to drive with the windows open and before I could drive anywhere I had to air out the car. On Mother's Day, I talked with my friend Lee about the odour. Lee's son Andrew had a similar problem with his truck, he suggested that my Pollen Filters had gone mouldy. The next morning I pulled out my car manual and located the filters. They were behind the glove box. I hadn't really used the glove box since we put the insurance into it in August.

When I opened the glove box, it was filled with torn tissue paper and Rat Shit. Gross Out! After pulling the filters out I discovered that the Rat had been using them as a toilet. Needless to say I cleaned everything out and bought new filters, figuring that I had solved the problem. No smells.

About a week later, the smell started to come back. The Rat was back. Off to the hardware store for Rat Traps. I got home and painted them black so they would blend in with the shadow under the car. For the first few days I didn't set the tramps, just baited them with peanut butter and waited. The bait was taken each night. I finally set the traps. The Bloody Rat figured out how to steal the bait without setting off the trap. Just to rub it in the Rat would set off one trap and then take the bait from both traps.

I was livid, back to the hardware store. I bought Glue Traps, not the nicest method to catch vermin but effective. I set the glue trap out and waited. In the morning I discovered that HE had dragged the glue trap out of the way and climbed up the tire into the car. I formulated another plan.

I buried the traps into the gravel, set them and covered the snapper parts with top soil. Again the Rat out smarted me.

Howard my neighbour lent me a Live Trap. The bate sits in the middle of the device on a teeter table switch. When the teeter table is touched doors at each end drop and are held in place by bars. The animal can't escape.

I HAVE BEEN OUT SMARTED AGAIN. Is this bloody Rat related to The Brain? He's single handedly Taking Over My World.

More Rat stories to come.

"By Grabthar's Hammer I will be avenged!"

Statistic Nightmares

It's little wonder Buddy looks sad, we both heard the same statistics.





I was watching CFAX radio this morning when Micheal Campbel did a commentary of a recent study comparing Federal Employment growth/wages to Private Sector growth/wages from 1999 to 2009.

Needless to say I immediately got a migraine. Once it cleared up I went on line to check some facts.

According to CD Howe, from 1999 to 2009 the Federal Civilian Salaries grew at an annual rate of 7%. In cash amounts the wages went up 90% from 12.8 Billion to 24.4 Billion and the economy grew 55% over the same time period. The workforce of Federal employees grew 35% and the Private employees grew 11% over this time as well. The average wage increases Federally for this period grew to 59% compared to Private Sector growth of 30%.

The average Federal Government employee salary reached $94,000 compared to $47,500 for Private Sector workers from 1999 to 2009.

I have to agree with Mr. Campbel, if this is Conservative and Liberal restraint then give the rest of us some. Really this comes down to "Do as I say not as I do."

You have to ask, Where is the explanation?

Just my opinion but really………………….

Hummingbird Nation

Here's a little video about Hummingbirds set to a piece of music by Jeff Beck.

Wieners, Republicans and Gun Toting Jihadists.

The night before last I watched a bit of the Rachel Maddow Show. Yes the majority of the show was about Wiener Gate. She was busy comparing Republicans who have lied, done inappropriate things and still manage to keep their jobs and are not forced to resign. Democrats, it seems are given a rougher ride when they exhibit their stupidity.

Not belittle the situation Mr. Wiener find himself because after all he is not the only idiot that Emailed, Facebooked, or Twittered his privates into the internet ether. How stupid are you? Would you leave a pair of shit stained underwear out for the company to see when you invite them over for dinner? No, I think not. Why, because no body wants to see your dirty laundry or find out you like to be spanked with a hot waffle iron. It's just creepy.

I digress, I really wanted to talk about Guns and Republicans. Apparently the Republicans voted down a bill that would require a mandatory background check before the purchase of automatic or semi automatic weapons. These same Republicans helped create the 'No Fly List'.

Here's the thing, it was pointed out that apparently these suspected terrorists can't fly but they could take a car, bus or train to one of the big American Gun Shows and buy an Automatic Weapon without a background check. To prove the point there has been a video posted.

Here's a link. http://www.fixgunchecks.org/detail/alqaeda-video


Ya gotta love America, can it get any weirder?

How to get Lost.

I enjoy technology, most everyone I know embraces some form of technology. I like flat screen TVs, good stereos, my Nano, Digital Cameras my Blu Ray Player. Lots of stuff, fridges, stoves microwaves even my car.




I have a problem with GPS devices though. Get a map, it's old technology but at least you'll have a sense of where you are going. You can actually Google a location and figure out a course, then use your map. That's what I did last time I was on the mainland and had to go to Coquitlam.

I'm not saying a GPS doesn't have a purpose cause it does. When you have an accident GPS can send your co-ordinates to EMS. The police can track stolen cars, cel phones, and airplanes, all good things that is if it gets the location right.

For years I've heard 'Men don't ask for directions', which is true. Some lazy guy came up with the idea to eliminate the need to ask for directions. Hence the creation of GPS. The only thing that GPS doesn't do is say "Hey Idiot, you're Fucking Lost, you should have asked for direction or brought your map." Then it would be great.

Why am I on about GPS, well here's the thing. Yesterday I spent an hour and a half scrambling through the bush with The Duck and the TCD Hat . The Duck and I had called up the TCD Hat because we needed to know if this sunny knoll we found was in our new park or not.

Now this little adventure would have been fun if I was still 12 or 13 but at 58 scrambling over bush, through wild raspberry cane and dead falls with crotch pieces snags seemed not to fit into the fun category. It soon fell into the WTF zone after the first GPS reading. So much for GPS and the phrase, "We're almost on top of the pin only another 10 metres in this direction."

It was all good for ten minutes and then it wore a little thin. "We're not in park, the park is that way." By the time we found the eastern park boundary we had scrambled through about 3 1/2 acres of dense vegetation only to find (at least in my opinion) we were lost. Now that's when the GPS should have told us, "Hey you idiots you're fucking lost in the woods again."

You know how we got back into the park? We walked west towards the sun, that's how. The GP fucking S didn't tell us to do that. Fifty year old Cub Scout training taught us that. So here's my theory, if you want to get really lost in the woods use your GPS. If you want to go into the woods and find your way out, bring your cel phone, look for landmarks, check the sun and bring plastic ribbons to mark your path. If you keep finding your ribbons, you're walking in circle so make the phone call.

"Hi Honey, I'll be a while, I'm lost in the fucking woods again."

Just so you feel you have learnt something, a TCD Hat is a Tilley/Crocodile Dundee Hat.