Battlefield Driveway

"What are we going to do today Brain?" says Pinky.

Brain replies,
"Same thing we do every night, Try and Take over the World."










It's a damp overcast morning. I have returned from the trenches wounded and disheartened, my battle still rages on. For the past number of weeks I have been doing battle with a Rat. I feel like I'm stuck in a twisted version of The Secret of NIMH or Pinky and The Brain.

During one of our cold snaps earlier this spring, a local wood pile Rat decided that climbing up the right front tire and up under the hood of our Honda Element would keep him warm. In late March, I started to notice a smell in the car. At first it wasn't too bad but as the temperature outside climbed the smell became worse. Initially I could not figure out the cause.

By Mother's Day I had to drive with the windows open and before I could drive anywhere I had to air out the car. On Mother's Day, I talked with my friend Lee about the odour. Lee's son Andrew had a similar problem with his truck, he suggested that my Pollen Filters had gone mouldy. The next morning I pulled out my car manual and located the filters. They were behind the glove box. I hadn't really used the glove box since we put the insurance into it in August.

When I opened the glove box, it was filled with torn tissue paper and Rat Shit. Gross Out! After pulling the filters out I discovered that the Rat had been using them as a toilet. Needless to say I cleaned everything out and bought new filters, figuring that I had solved the problem. No smells.

About a week later, the smell started to come back. The Rat was back. Off to the hardware store for Rat Traps. I got home and painted them black so they would blend in with the shadow under the car. For the first few days I didn't set the tramps, just baited them with peanut butter and waited. The bait was taken each night. I finally set the traps. The Bloody Rat figured out how to steal the bait without setting off the trap. Just to rub it in the Rat would set off one trap and then take the bait from both traps.

I was livid, back to the hardware store. I bought Glue Traps, not the nicest method to catch vermin but effective. I set the glue trap out and waited. In the morning I discovered that HE had dragged the glue trap out of the way and climbed up the tire into the car. I formulated another plan.

I buried the traps into the gravel, set them and covered the snapper parts with top soil. Again the Rat out smarted me.

Howard my neighbour lent me a Live Trap. The bate sits in the middle of the device on a teeter table switch. When the teeter table is touched doors at each end drop and are held in place by bars. The animal can't escape.

I HAVE BEEN OUT SMARTED AGAIN. Is this bloody Rat related to The Brain? He's single handedly Taking Over My World.

More Rat stories to come.

"By Grabthar's Hammer I will be avenged!"