America Home of the ??

I haven't had a chance or a good reason to Blog until the last two weeks of news from America the beautiful.

It is really beautiful, but it's also a lot like one of those old Blonde Jokes sometimes.

Over the years I've kept track of 'Stupid' stories
from the States. It started before I moved to the
mountain way back in the 70's actually.


There was the MacDonalds' coffee incident, where a woman bought some coffee at a drive through. She had it in her lap and it spilled and burnt her legs and privates. This meant of course that she could sue Ronald and Gang, because of course it was their fault that she had a boiling cup of fresh brewed coffee in her lap. She did win millions.

Then, there was the Philadelphia Zoo Worker that had the bright idea that they could safely feed a Polar Bear grapes by hand. It doesn't take a lot of imagination to figure out how this idiot ended up with the nickname lefty. Again the Zoo was sued for creating a hostile environment for the Polar Bears that made them Aggressive. Aren't they wild animals when they are not in cages?

My most recent, 'What were you thinking, and Why would you let anybody know that you did this ?' A woman was at an animal park and was in the alligator cage with a handler. She preceded to put her face cheek by joule to the alligator as the handler held the head up in the air. Boy was she surprised when the critter grabbed her by the face almost removing an eye. Not only was the act 'Stupid', but then she went on TV and shared it with the world. I suppose to warn us all 'Not to Put Our Faces Next to Live Alligators cause it could be Dangerous'.

The other thing in the past weeks I enjoyed was Mr Obama's response to police arresting a Black Professor in his own house after showing his Identification. I agree, this was a stupid act and really shows the true state of equality in North America. I would also like to thank him for using the word 'STUPID', because somethings are just Stupid and should be declared so otherwise why do we keep the word. Yes it can be used inappropriately but come on when was used this context it was bang on the money.

But that's just my opinion and you are free to think it's Stupid. Oh, don't forget not to put your head in the Restaurant Bathroom Fabric Towel Dispensor Loop there is a hanging risk. Just look for the safety label made in America.

Financial Forecast & Bizarro

Right now across North America workers are winning a million dollars. I saw a piece on the news last night about a giant shopping mall north of Calgary that had a job fair that offered 3500 jobs to the local residents.

It should be interesting to see how many of these potential employees stay with these jobs and reach the million dollar goal.

Retail is not for everyone, believe me I know. My BBS experience has hardened me towards the public. These 3500 workers will be tested. It doesn't matter how smart you are, how talented, how quick, how funny or caring.



Once you are working in a retail centre in any position people will look at you differently. The vast majority will be good to deal with, but a large number of these people will treat you like third class citizens. You are nothing to them almost sub-human. You will learn to appreciate the good people and put up with the assholes. When you go shopping you will be a wonderful patient customers that knows how to actually use the stores system to get what you want.

Right now, seniors whose retirement income has been cut, unemployed industry workers, labourers and thousands of other out of work people as well as graduating students will be hoping to win that million dollars. Hopefully they will start at $10 an hour or more so that it will take them less time to reach the million mark.

Once I have recovered from surgery I will be back at the BBS on the hunt for my own million.It's just to bad that every 25 years or so we have to grow through this kind of economic nightmare. Really this isn't new, just go through the archives and you will see the trend. Get ready for the next "down turn" and slide some of you bucks into that mattress, the next "market adjustment" might be worse.

Thanks to Bizarro for hitting what I think is a reality nail right on the head.

Poor Reporting

Due to a lack of things to do on Sunday and a poor TV schedule, we had the misfortune of watching Global National Sunday Evening News.

What a horrendous waste of time. I watch a lot of news and I think like any good story there should be a beginning, a middle and an end. Somebody should point this out to these guys. They seemed at least this past Sunday to be more interested in the lead in headlines than the stories.

They also tended to push out the most outrageous headline prior to a commercial in an effort to keep you tuned in and then didn't follow up after the break until three stories later.


The topper for me was one of those "Breaking News" pieces. Sunday's breaking news story was the killing of 2 boys and beating of their mother and the death of their assailant . I"ll check my facts and update this later, I'm on a roll.

Global Nationals' Breaking News' headline before the break was "Two teens believed killed and mother injured in attack details after the break." After the break they came back with "Two teens, believed killed, mother injured in attack in greater Vancouver suburb." and that was it. What kind of reporting is that?

I'm not that media savvy but really why not just fill the time with a complete story about puppies or something. Give us something with a beginning, a middle and an end. If you don't have enough facts to do a proper story shut up until you do.

The Dance that almost killed me.

You know if there was a way to go this would have been it. Ain't dead yet....... dancing at one of your two beloved daughters weddings would have been the way, oh man yessss! This is the first version of my little dance movie. Once I can sit at my computer for a few more hours I will edit this and add pictures of all my beautiful nieces and nephews, friends and loved ones cutting a rug.

Man what a party Travis & Janna put on! Good on you, you can plan my next party!

This is what life is about loving your family and friends.

Cheers til sometime in the next few weeks. John

Did I mention it was sooo worth it!

Stand on Guard for Thee?

When is a bribe not a bribe? Apparently a bribe is not a bribe when you are the former prime minister of this country! The former PM must never have watched any of those fabulous old gangster movies that started out in the forties and then reformulated in the fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties. You know the ones where the gangster/mobster or sleaze bag villain slides the envelope stuffed with cash across the desk to the corrupt politician. The one where the envelope is tucked inside a folded newspaper and handed off to civil servant in order to sway a contract bidding process.

I always thought that Patronage appointments were the height of our political system scandals and the peak of government drama. Now we have a new benchmark. The dark under belly of the Canadian Political System has been exposed. Between the naughty Jean Jean and his honorable Fiburoney the true nature of backdoor Canadian Politics has been revealed and it is ugly.

In conversation with a Libyan National once, I was told that Arabs counted their fingers after shaking hands with a Canadian Business Man. I never believed it, however after the recent televised hearings, I may have to reconsider my views.

Who really stands on guard for thee? I know our troops believe they do but what kind of backroom deals sent them to the other side of the planet. Do we really want to spread democracy that is corrupted by backdoor business dealings. Was it really a case of "poor judgement" at the time and "regrettable" or is this similar to the greed which the world economy has fallen victim too?

Let's all be aware of the pitfalls of greed and make no room for the corrupt. If democracy is what we want to export then it should be transparent and for the better of the people that need it, not rich business men, corrupt politicians and civil servants.

I will now dismount my soap box and continue on with my day.

BBS Episode 1

Episode 1 - “The Oval Vanity Sink”

For the past three years I’ve work in a “Home and Garden Store”. I won’t name my employer but in this case it really doesn’t matter, it is the public that I find amusing. I have a thing about British people that makes me mental. They ask and refer to too many things that have nothing to do with the actual situation you are dealing with. I guess that’s why I love “Little Britain”. If you haven’t seen it you should. One of the things I love about the ‘Brits’ is that they make fun of who they are and how they react to things. The other thing that I am amazed by is that they don’t do anything about it and don’t seem to change. Maybe it’s their sense of comedy. In this next segment I will write in English but try to write in Brit as well.

Scene: The Vanity Sink Aisle of My Box Store

Woman standing alone, looking perplexed. I am passing by with an armload of faucet boxes surrounded by 4 customers all of whom are asking questions.

Brit: Excuuuuse me do yooou work here.......
Yes, I do.
Brit: I neeed some help if yer nawt too bizzzzzy!
I’ll be with you in a moment; as soon as I have helped these other customers.

2 minutes go by, I find the Brit pacing and muttering about the lack of staff to customer ratio. She is standing in front of the the vanity sink display.

Sorry to keep you waiting, how can I help.
(I’m thinking here it comes)

Brit: No probby,,,,,(as she taps her toe and standing with her back to the display, raising her arms she starts to make an oval shape, which is the identical shape to the sink behind her large Brit head)
Brit: I’m looking for a sinnnnk......it’s an ovaaaal in white enameled steel by American Standard buuuutt I can’t seeeem to find it . Can you help?

(oh fuck I think, raising my left hand I point over her right shoulder)
Similar to the white one behind you?

Brit: Ooooohhh, really? Is it white?
Why yes, it is American Standard white.
Brit: Is that bright white or warm white?
American Standard has a bright white.
Brit:Oooohhhhh
There is a pause as she ponders white.

Brit: Do you think my huuuzband would like it?
I’m not sure Maam, I haven’t met your husband.
Brit: He middle aaaaged, and baulding slightly overweeeeight.
I’m not sure Maam.
Brit: Does it commme in bowwnne?
Why yes it does.
Brit: I dooooan’t liiike bowwwnne!
Oh.
Brit: I think my faaaather woould like it.
That’s good.
Brit: He’s dead.
(fuck how long is this going to go on?)
I am sorry for your loss.
Brit: Diiied a number yeeears ago, tragiccc reeeally.
Sorry to hear that.
Brit: Wasn’t muuuch of a father but what can you do reeeally. I’m writing my memiors,
I haaave three children Bradley, Thomas and EEElizabeth, named after the Queen, the Queen of England of course. I was raised in a cult in South Aaaafreeca. Horrrible realllyy but fascinating. All raaather sordid really....... what a time I had as a child. Personal sacrifices, chicken sacrifices, develops you as a person reeeeally........... I require a toilet.......... Bradley is an accountant.
(Where is this going? I now have 5 customers watching and waiting)
Brit: I’d like one thooooose toilets then, how dooo I get oonne?
(pointing towards a box on the shelf) Like that one; how do I get it?
(the other customers have started to tap their toes on the concrete floor, time to wrap this nightmare up asap)
You place them on a cart and then you go to the cashiers.
Brit:Oooooohhhhhh
Do You have a cart Maaam?
Brit: Ooooh Noooooo
Did you want me to get you a cart?
Brit: If iiit’s no trouble.
No problem. (I slide an uncomfortable smile towards the other customers and then run like a maniac to find a cart and dispatch the Brit after prying her off my left teet)

This experience has lasted over twenty minutes. I deal with the next 5 customers all within 10 minutes and all leave happy. Life in a Box Store makes you tired.

Next Episode: What is the water level in these toilets?

Heart Hoochie-Coo

I just spent 3 fun filled days in the hospital being poked and prodded. It's not that I like that sort of experience but it was necessary. On May 28th I get to have my chest opened up and have a valve replacement. Sounds like fun doesn’t it!

I’m not really worried about the surgery, I really have no choice. The valve being replaced has been slowly deteriorating over my lifetime. I will be glad to have it fixed. For the past five years it’s been like living with a time bomb in my chest. It is a weird sensation slowly feeling this monster get worse especially over the past years.

I have been very active for all of my life, I work, play and live to the fullest. Yes I have done many things that are a bad for my body but I am still here. I smoke, drink and dance the hoochie-coo but this is not the real cause of problems. It hasn’t helped but I was born with this problem and when my stress level caused the original heart attack my world started to change. I did modify my behaviour to a some extent after the first incident, the biggest being getting rid of a external stress and eating better. However I still smoked, drank and danced the hoochie-coo.

The most fearful test I underwent over the 3 days was a angiogram. This is where they open an artery and shove probe into your heart to check the coronary arteries. This scared me more than the pending surgery. Amazingly enough my arteries are pristine, my last 5 years of stress free smoking drinking and dancing the hoochie-coo has not put me in this position. The time bomb was still a time bomb and was the inevitable course I was to take through this life. This said, I am going to modify my life style and concentrate more on painting, gardening occasionally drinking and dancing the hoochie-coo. The smoking issue still is a demon to deal with. I do plan to do battle with it just like I do with bouts of depression.

The staff at the hospital was amazing except a few that were just a bit tedious. I have to respect them all for their endless patience dealing with some of us morons though.

Case in point more than a couple of morbidly obese women from Great Britain. These morons could not understand why they were in the cardiac care unit at all. I was amazed. None of them tipped the scale under 280 pounds, all had the complexion of 3 week old sliced turkey luncheon meat. All had diabetes and probably hadn’t eaten a fresh vegetable in twenty years. One claimed to have her diabetes under control saying that her blood sugar was stable at a constant 8* until entering the hospital and they had messed up her life. She didn’t seem to appreciate that the staff had saved her life twice by putting no less than eleven stents in heart. How many stents do they have to put in a person until they appreciate the procedure?

Let me be clear, I am not dissing heavy people. We all have genetic predispositions in our physical makeup. You can be big and healthy too, there is nothing wrong with it. Being active eating properly will keep you alive. Boiling the nutrients out of your veggies, eating fatty meats, processed food and being sedentary will kill you.

Eating properly, being active, moderate drinking, an occasional toot and dancing the hootchie-coo won’t! Go eat a raw carrot, have a slice of banana and live you life.

Keep in mind that there are some things you have no control over like genetic time bombs. You just have to get out and live life and listen to your body.Find a healthier balance.

(*Check with your doctor having a sugar level at 8 is a wee bit on the unhealthy side.)